Here's My Sky

Evidencing Eureka

2012-01-12T21:11:00.016+08:00

An article (a cute one I should say) mentions a press conference from CERN giving the latest update in the search for the Higgs boson, which arouse my interest as, aside of the exciting subject, I've never watched any scientific press conference before.

So here it is. (The embedded streaming didn't work for me, but some browsers should be able to play one of the download links directly.)

I quite like the tone of this one. We get a procedural picture of the real work involved:

"What we have seen today is a fantastic demonstration of how an experiment works, from the operation in the cavern to the data-taking, the data-processing, reconstruction, computing, the quality calibration, all the way to the analysis and interpretation of the result. So a simple plot showing a mass distribution contains a lot of work." -- FG

The romantic touch:

"We are discussing something that is the last chapter, we hope, of a story which lasts 47 years." -- GT

The ethics:

"Those are really preliminary results. They're very interesting, they're intriguing, but really preliminary. First of all, as it is the duty of the scientific community, we will speak more solidly through papers that will be submitted on final results we hope to be able to come out sometime end of January, beginning of February [...]" -- GT

The mild humor:

"It *is* really exciting. I can tell you. But nonetheless, we take questions." -- RH

And apparently a number of excited enthusiasts have added their own opinions into the mix, or reinterpreted the news to make their own conclusions, so the scientists have learned to be carefully accurate with their statements:

"First of all, it's not an evidence. Be careful [to ensure that] we're using scientific words at the precise meaning. We're talking of intriguing, tantalizing hints [...]" -- GT

"Don't believe all the blogs. Okay? Believe only what has a stamp from the scientists and not the blogs. Please." -- RH

It is also pleasant to listen to people who know exactly where they are:

Question: "Is it possible to find the Higgs with the present dataset and improved analysis?"
RH: "A quick answer, Madam?"
FG: "No."

And to close, the inspirational quotes:

"Of course it will be good to find new physics, new things, and we have some ideas of how, for instance, new physics could manifest itself. But we should not forget that we are researchers, and the foundation of research [is] really looking for something that is also unexpected, or something new. So we have to remain open, because we don't know what Nature has chosen. And so we may be soon confronted with some surprises, and this would be, I think, for us, the best reward -- something unexpected." -- FG

Question: "Before, you spoke about the next 20 years, the physics beyond the Standard Model, and then about the rest of-- 96% of the universe to explore. And I want to ask, is there an end to the scientific question, and if not, then why?"
GT: "Because we are-- this is the mankind. I mean, mankind started asking questions, and we will continue forever."
FG: "Remember what Isaac Newton used to say: 'What we know is a drop, what we don't know is an ocean.'"
RH: "Each time we find something new, we have new questions to ask. And that's the fascinating thing of science, yeah? You answer some questions which you know how to post. And then you find, suddenly, new questions. And that will go on, I'm sure. And it's very difficult to find the moment 'when do I know everything?' That's impossible, at least for me. So, there's a lot to do."

Notes:
The above has been transcribed from the video, with minor edits for clarity.

RH: Prof. Rolf-Dieter Heuer, CERN Director General
FG: Prof. Fabiola Gianotti, LHC ATLAS
GT: Prof. Guido Tonelli, LHC CMS

s.ty.lized

2011-12-31T01:32:00.003+08:00

So there's this thing with some stage names or pen names where, though they consist of normal English words, are not supposed to be written with the usual capitalization rules. For example, e.e. cummings and k.d. lang. Wikipedia calls it "stylized", or sometimes "typeset".

It gets rather chaotic in the Japanese music scene, where some English names are natively written in katakana, which is ordinarily transferred to Latin in all-caps. So it is not clear whether DREAMS COME TRUE or FUNKY MONKEY BABYS should always be written in all-caps (which can really be quite glaring), since it might just be due to the katakana representation. It is easier to figure out true stylization when it's all non-caps, like the brilliant green (which looks like just a part of this sentence), or when it's mixed, like HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR (which is still glaring). Of course, some name owners themselves are inconsistent about the typeset, like how Every Little Thing have named themselves in all-caps, all non-caps, and katakana in three different single releases.

I am the type to rename my music files when I find out I've not been capitalizing them correctly, so this is significant. =D Well, getting someone's name correct is a sign of respect (though this guy here does bring up a compelling argument). Capitalization may not be as crucial as spelling (say, when mix-and-matching Patti Smith with Patty Smyth) but in names like hitomi the lack of capitalization is the factor that makes it Furuya-san and not Yaida-san or Shimatani-san, while missed capitals on names like KinKi Kids could push them a step closer to distasteful misspelling (as well as land one in trouble with dedicated fans).

This string of thoughts came about as I was just getting all starry-eyed blissful-eared clickety-fingered watching k.d. lang on YouTube, and trying to put my finger on how she can sing the same song differently every time (a swell here, a shortening there, a few different notes once in a while...) without ruining the original feel of the song. Even when it's a cover, instead of performing it as a musical composition she grasps its story and just tells it, and with that seemingly effortless divine vocal delivery she can surely afford to improvise and still tell it flawlessly.

...Yeah, watch me ramble, but the point is, for someone as accomplished as that, I'd pay really good attention to how she wishes her name to be written! (And here's a pretty entertaining article on the controversy over the miscapitalization.)

But this blog entry would not have been written had I not gotten extra rambling material from the recent realization that one-north (the MRT station where my office is at) is so far the only station with a stylized name... except counting HarbourFront, which would not cause any capitalization dilemma anyway, for example when the station name occurs at the beginning of a sentence.

Now to close this entry, Happy New Year! (And this one I'm pretty sure is meant to be capitalized like that.)

Safe in A Crazy World

2011-11-20T23:48:00.005+08:00

I once read someone saying, "Music saved my life." He was in depression for an extended time and had repeatedly considered suicide. I suppose he found an outlet in music -- all I knew was he started composing music in genres that were... not so mainstream. The phase passed, and he seems to be a happy person nowadays.

With a brief Google search I found more such stories. A youngster who grew up in a slum learned to play the guitar and so instead of getting drawn into the neighbourhood gang he became a performer. A student who couldn't do well in any subject at school found her potential and purpose of life in playing music.

I haven't thought of music that way until the past week when I experienced something like that, albeit in a much milder scale. In my case, stress was building up from an assortment of little things: unsettled issues that piled up, small annoyances from people all around... Sometimes I feel the little things are worse, because in addition to these you second-guess yourself why you should be so upset with them when they seem so insignificant, and you chide yourself for being narrow-minded.

So I needed a tranquilizer. I turned on music and sang. And to dramatize a bit, I can say that music saved my sanity at the time.

As a Buddhist, a perhaps better alternative would be silence. But I'm ashamed to say that I've been struggling with meditation, that my mind is still too untamed that it kept slipping back to the noisy thoughts. But drawing a lesson from our former music director, I'd like to think music could be a form of meditation to some.

So while I continue to train this monkey mind, let me just hold on to my music -- the ever reliable companion when I need to be alone.

Noise keeps chasing me no matter where I go
And life likes pretending that it's on a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

'Cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world

-- Corrinne May, "Safe in A Crazy World"

In Other Words, A Tropical Winter

2011-11-16T23:54:00.015+08:00

つながった
冬の星座

Once again Orion tells me that winter is here,
a kinder sign than the cold that bites my skin.
Ah, winter has come, year by year,
even to this land that has only sun and rain.
And the world churns out songs of snow,
of feelings white that keep you warm;
tunes ringing with the longing you'd know
despite a climate tens of degrees off.

Yes, winter is here,
the season dancing in the sounds,
the season written in the stars;
and with none* of the freezing it still lets me glimpse
icy lands far and foreign,
frosty wonders my eyes have never seen.

* Except for the illusion of it on fingertips and such extremities.

扉

2011-09-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

次々に歌を聞き返す
君の脳裏を知っていないけど
君の思想を理解したいから。

曲も詞もちゃんと感じ取る
君の心に入れないけど
君の世界を認めたいから。

Big History: Beautiful Story

2011-09-01T22:56:00.017+08:00

I'm sharing this video link in the spirit of "collective learning" as recommended by the speaker of this wonderful talk on the history of the universe. I recommend watching it in full-screen mode (and darkened room if possible) to enhance the experience. =)

David Christian, "Big History" @ TED Talks

If the above streaming is slow, you can also find it on YouTube here.

Teaser snapshots:

Look Smart

2011-08-13T17:44:00.017+08:00

Feels like I've grown rather saturated of smartphones without even starting to use one. =P Too much seeing them used in buses and trains and they start to look the same*. With running apps that look the same too (usually messaging or touchscreen games... pardon me for glancing).

* Even those of a certain fruity flavour, as I'm just not a gadget person enough to bother to differentiate at a glance, with those protectors on.

The increase in capability is of course a good thing, but visually speaking, I feel that the older feature phones, with range of models that are more distinguishable, have more of a personality.

But call me biased, as I'm still using a feature phone and liking it (points for it being able to fit unobstrusively in my pocket, and I'm on full-fledged computers almost all the time, anyway); wait til it's time for my mobile plan recontract + handset upgrade and see --- shall I go for looks, or intelligence? ;P

On a related but not exactly relevant topic, here's an interesting article that questions the nurturing of that intelligence (in general terms) where it should foremost be.

Generation T

2011-07-26T21:40:00.012+08:00

According to Wikipedia, I belong to a generation at the edge between Gen X and Gen Y. The accurate dividing line, of course, depends on demographics and other factors, statistically. Realistically, we could just go by the distinguishing characteristics. Even then, rarely does a person fit neatly into any typical group.

I think of myself as belonging to a transition generation. Not as a term, but as how I would describe it here---that is, a generation that experiences both [temporal] sides of a cultural transition. Of course, the same might be said about almost all other generations, as it is unlikely that a generation span could go by without any significant transition taking place. Taking this to the abstract level, then, I would prefer to define this transition in the sense of inducing a way of thinking that encompasses both the old and the new cultures.

I was born into a culture of traditions, albeit one whose strictness had faded. There was an abundance of moral education on one hand, and superstitions on the other. Then science and technology brought widespread change of lifestyles, and thence came the culture of pragmatism, driven by what is effective and convenient. I have enough ties to the old culture to keep it in my life: childhood impressions, respect for the elders, memories of a time when the old way was the good way... I have also tasted enough benefits of the new culture to want to stick to it.

We who have witnessed this transition are in a position to understand the driving factors and, in a way, balance the best of both worlds. Have things changed because it was necessary or simply because it was possible? With a bit more effort we may also understand the ways of the generations before and after: what makes them think in a certain way that might at first seem ridiculous or outrageous. Some superstitions are simply poorly-justified or out-of-context good advice; some unscientific ancient medical beliefs might actually be beneficial though not for the reason stated (rather than confusing uneducated patients with explanations, better to drive home the importance of obeying the instructions using simple analogies). Likewise, "improper" behaviour patterns of the younger generation are likely a natural response (or even aspiring effort) to the values deemed important at their age, in the era.

Just as "the old generation" in our point of view may blindly follow traditions, or "the new generation" blindly follow trends, so may we prone to blindly rejecting their ways as bad. Trying to understand a common pattern should be considerably easier than trying to understand individuals with all their subtle flavours---which is what we need to do in our relationships anyway.

Transition or no, we can probably take more pride in being a thinking generation---whose span ideally has nothing to do with time---one who cares to try to understand rather than judge, lest there ever be a need to put "-ism" behind "generation", too.

Much of the inspiration for this writing has come from Arthur C. Clarke's "Childhood's End", which painted a much more impressive picture of "generations" differing in more than one sense of the word.

An Exercise in Palindrome

2011-07-15T18:59:00.006+08:00

Writing exercise.

Warning:
Dark theme, owing to--

Credits:
Heavy influence from Christopher Buckley's political satire "Thank You For Smoking" as well as David Sedaris' twisted fable "Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk" for the plot idea.

--------------------
No Love Lost
--------------------

It was really rather ironic, he thought, that this was where they'd first met.

He lit his cigarette, took a deep drag on it, and blew a cloud of smoke that blended into the imaginary swirl of her lingering perfume before vanishing through the window frame.

"I know you'd mind this, but--" He shrugged. "Hardly matters now, does it?"

Her gaze bore on his face, emotionless.

"Not that an apology would do any good at this point, anyway."

He fiddled with the cigarette in his fingers. Now that it was all over, he suddenly felt like spending a while longer with her.

"You wronged me first, remember."

He watched as pain registered across her face. She struggled with it for a long silent minute, fists clenched, jaws tense-- and then it was gone.

"We've all got to do what we've got to do."

She had said the same thing when she was leaving him, that first time.

Nothing personal, you understand. Was it really this easy to take a life?

It was her front-page article, crammed with privileged insider information that should've stayed within the bedroom walls, that had brought the company crumbling down in scandals and driven his brother to suicide.

"Don't give me that betrayed look. I know you never fully trust me. None of us is blameless, here."

In the end, it was simply a matter of who outwitting who.

Understanding dawned. She was smart. He suppressed a morbid urge to laugh. She was staring at him.

"With this," he gestured to his wine, the glass still untouched, "we're even."

He poured more wine from the bottle, filling her glass to the brim. It was deep red, a fitting colour for the occasion.

She contemplated it. "So you've come to tell me that you're going to overlook the past because you have further use for me?"

A thin smile formed on his lips. "I would think it poses less danger to my life compared to having a spying journalist in my house." He leaned back on his seat. "And I do intend to have you pay for what you've taken."

She gave him a sharp look as she drained her wine glass.

He took a cigarette out of his pack, and mockingly offered it to her. "You really wouldn't try a smoke?"

--------------------

For the second version/part of the story, please read the above paragraphs from bottom to top.

--------------------

Line palindromes in literature:
- James A. Lindon, "Doppelgänger" story-poem
- Jonathan Reed, "The Lost Generation" video-poem
- Douglas Hofstadter, "Crab Canon" dialogue (from "Gödel, Escher, Bach")

Crab canon in musical literature:
- J. S. Bach, "Canon 1 a 2"

A Flower By Any Other Language

2011-05-27T19:16:00.010+08:00

I'm posting this for the unexpectedness value: when I saw the link to "Chinese version of Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana" I thought it would be the usual Chinese cover of a Japanese song by Chinese singers, but turned out it was SMAP themselves (the original Japanese singers, none of whom speak Chinese) singing it.

If I understand correctly they released this Chinese version for charity in support of the earthquake relief efforts. I've been out of touch with Japan entertainment news for quite a while, so I've only found out about this from the recent news about them serenading the Chinese Premier with this song during his Tokyo visit.

Pronunciation aside, I think the Chinese cover is really not too bad. It maintains most of the original meaning of the song without being overly translation-awkward, it rhymes well, and the overall thing is pretty amusing. =D Maybe it helps a lot that the song has pleasant and catchy melody to begin with. In fact, my favourite version of the song so far is the lyricless one:

...by a Chinese group, come to think of it. How great that music is universal, don't you think? =)

Listen

2011-05-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

This year's Vesak resolution: listen.

This year we have an inter-faith celebration that is open to public, do drop by if you're interested! =)

十二色と　一色あたし

2011-04-06T21:23:00.013+08:00

The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

And I lament the limits of my understanding of this language sometimes, there being someone who speaks so beautifully in it...

...but thankfully the eloquence is not only in words.

Of Witches and Wizards

2011-03-25T08:30:00.001+08:00

A quick recommendation of my breakfast reading today:
Why Gandalf Never Married - 1985 Talk by Terry Pratchett

It discusses the portrayal of gender and magic in fantasy literature (he later wrote Equal Rites on this theme). While there are a number of references to the fantasy genre, I think his sense of humor is generic enough for everyone to enjoy. *dangles bait*

Reporting In

2011-03-22T22:49:00.025+08:00

It's been a long time since the last blog. There's work, and then there're other things... The usual excuse, you know the drill, lol. I guess I just didn't have as many introspective moments as before, or as many mini-epiphanies I think worth sharing.

Something important to me actually happened recently: my first trip to Japan. =) The main purpose was to attend a work-related exhibition in Tokyo, but of course, I didn't miss the chance to go to a planetarium. Two 40-min shows back-to-back. =q I also briefly infiltrated Tokyo University, indulged myself along the Used-Books Street, got a cheap music CD from the famous Akihabara (and got tempted by a new Sony Ericsson / Cybershot model that might not even make it to Singapore), and took really pleasant strolls along the vast gardens / parks / shrines despite the spring season not yet arriving; among other adventures (and misadventures). Facebook photo albums will follow soon, maybe. (For those photos, I definitely still love my Elm.)

The second-last day of my trip coincided with the Sendai earthquake, which was also my first earthquake experience. It was rather frightening when the building shook violently, but having no prior scale to compare, at the moment I had no idea how severe it was and so didn't really panic. =X Everyone around were calm, even though they did say it was stronger than usual. So it was only later when I realized that public transport had all ceased operating, that I started to feel lost and worried about getting back to the hotel and contacting my family.

Long story short, I had a long long walk (and climb) back to my room that day, but still considered myself lucky when I saw the stranded people sleeping on the floor in the hotel lobby / McDonalds / any available indoor space on my way back, and even more so when I watched the round-the-clock TV news on the tsunami-hit areas. The aftershocks continued to worry everyone, but my flight back departed as scheduled, and here I am.

So yeah, I was happy to be there, and also happy to be back. Warm and humid tropical weather that's kind to the skin and a solid ground you can take for granted. Not traumatized, for sure; I definitely still want to visit Kyoto and Nara one day. =) And having a not-so-bad experience of the earthquake firsthand is good for heightening my empathy towards natural disaster victims. (To quote from Les Miserables, "A little drop of rain can hardly hurt me [...] and rain will make the flowers grow.")

Moving on... I'd say it was back to normal life, but there have been some new experiences at work (attending some intimidating meetings) and outside it (trying to impart my half-baked skills to a group of youths with my half-baked teaching competence; contributing to fundraising projects...) as well. There were also catching-up meet-ups which went pleasantly. I think I'm pretty much enjoying life as it is right now, the excitement and the placidity alike.

A reflection to close off: I dropped by Eka's blog where she wrote at one point:

"It's between choosing your heart and your head. The sceptical-in-love me really wondered if choosing your heart will always make you happier."

That reminded me of a review on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice by Michael Cohen, who said of Elizabeth and Darcy's marriage as

"a marriage [...] that shows us not that prudent choices lead to happiness but that the prudent are happy choosing prudently."

(No full source, but it was quoted here.) I think that is very well put.

Little Happiness

2011-01-11T00:12:00.002+08:00

me and my bits of happiness
a sound,
a sight.

we and our bits of happiness
a touch,
a smile.

If Winter Comes, Can Spring Be Far Behind?

2010-12-03T21:29:00.021+08:00

The Four Seasons
NIKIIE

Don't stop talking; please try to go on,
since these unsettled feelings have surfaced.
Nights so lonely that your tears won't fall,
how many of those have you endured alone?

Those who say "I can't"
are not those who want to run away,
but those who don't want to give up.

Because there is spring, summer comes;
Because there is summer, autumn comes;
Because there is autumn, winter comes;
It is a natural thing that the world changes.

Being free from trouble, is that happiness?
It is when you're deeply troubled that certain things will surface.

Those who say "All of myself vanishes"
are not those who want to erase things,
but those who want to change themselves.

Because spring comes, winter is dear;
Because winter comes, autumn is dear;
Because autumn comes, summer is dear;
It is by oneself that the world is changed.

What is it that can't be given up? Who is it that won't give up?
You know it from the start, don't you?
Don't stop talking; please try to go on.

Because there is spring, summer comes;
Because there is summer, autumn comes;
Because there is autumn, winter comes;
It is a natural thing.

Because spring comes, winter is dear;
Because winter comes, autumn, too, is dear;
Because autumn comes, summer, too, is dear;
It is by oneself that the world is changed.

---

Post title has nothing to do with the song, but the conveyed meaning is certainly related.

Before We Can See the Sky

2010-10-28T20:51:00.009+08:00

I really should have stalked her better. Not only so that I wouldn't discover these beautiful things so late, but also so that I can perhaps start saying what I've been hearing people say about k.d. lang: "This woman can do no wrong." =D

Katie Melua - Blowing in the Wind (Bob Dylan cover, live)

There have been many renditions of this song but the only one I've heard before this is Peter, Paul and Mary's acoustic version (at the time when I haven't known what the lyrics meant yet). While I like this one for its own style, the comparison just added on to my marvel at the dynamics in Katie's rendition.

On the topic of seeing the sky...
Welcome back, my beloved clouds, colours of sunset, glimpses of stars.
心配していた--
また会えて良かった。

Green Beginnings

2010-10-03T23:53:00.012+08:00

...which are not so ~~green~~ new anymore, but it's only now that I get the time AND motivation to write about them, so. =D

Roses Are Green

--A new cell phone last August, because I renewed my line subscription (and because I lost my old one around May and had been getting by with a borrowed phone). It's Sony Ericsson Elm, with a 5 MP camera (for all the photos I like to take on the move) and a "normal" keypad (I do not trust touch screens as yet). Loving the camera so far. =)

It's also a green (eco-friendly) model, so I get interesting reminders such as after setting the alarm: "works even when phone is off"; and after charging: "unplug the charger from the socket as well to save energy". =D But seems it's considered an old model in this country because I couldn't find a screen protector for it anywhere (I usually like my gadgets accessory-free, but this one gets dirty easily and more persistently than I can tolerate), until a helpful shopkeeper in City Plaza got me a similar model (G700, note to myself) that works satisfactorily.

And yes, as the image shows, it's pink (or as per the official description, "pearly rose"). ^_^ The customer service guys (seen more than one of them 'cos the process had involved other complications not elaborated here) sounded skeptic when they told me the alternative black was not in stock, but I actually do prefer this colour. (Metallic makes most colours okay!) It's prettier, no?

It's Black, It's Green, It's Not Blinking Red

--A new portable hard disk from COMEX 2010, because the last one, an 80GB Samsung (a case-it-yourself which was still common back then), went puff without warning a week before (good timing?). But seeing as it had lasted five years in my not-so-tender care, I had good opinions about it, so I decided to get the same brand. This time I got a 320GB G2 model, which is also a green product (thus cheaper than the slicker S2 series).

I don't get why the reviews have been keen on the G2's visual design, with the dots and novel colours... I happen to not think it's nice, so I chose the least-offending black (^^0), but otherwise it's been working great -- lightweight and quiet.

On the note of dead hard disks, I have recovered data from a few before, but this latest one was a tougher case as the hard disk couldn't be detected by the PC, knocking noises and blinking red light and all. So I tried the freezer trick. Still no luck after a 24-hour freezing, nor a 3-day freezing, after which I abandoned it in the fridge and went on to dig up old backups. =P Three weeks after, I thought I had to put a proper end to it, so I took it out and gave it a last revival attempt, which, to my pleasant surprise and absolute delight, worked!

I'm not trusting any more important data to it, but it was still working okay the second and third time I plugged it in, so maybe there's life in it yet. =)

The Colour of Magic (Is Probably Not Green)

By DIsk's recommendation I got to know the wonderful wit of Terry Pratchett, whom I first ignored because fantasy was not my usual genre (LotR and HP have been somewhat short-term interests =P). As it is, I think it's more his fresh sense of humour that baited me, though the fantasy setting certainly lends a unique quality to it.

The title of this subsection (minus the bracketed part) is the title of the first book in his Discworld series, which ironically I haven't read (but soon will!). I started from the second book, and have since acquired the National Library membership (which I'd been postponing to do) just so I could start on a quest to consume the entire series. Do try it! It took only one line (conveniently the first in the book) for me to decide I love this author, so I'm venturing to say you won't waste much time testing the waters. =P

(In a semi-fandom clash, the latest release names of the VideoLAN VLC media player (used in my work project) seem to hint that the developers are sharing this interest. =D)

Green with Evil, We're Not

This is a closure to my previous post on Werkz. I have received response from NUS as well as an apology token from the studio, possibly after a follow-up from the university. I haven't quite expected this level of response, and it made me feel a little bad for the "blow-up" of the issue, though I guess it should've been the whole point of making a feedback. =D; Myself may still avoid dealing with them in the future, but I hope this incident has somehow improved things in the big picture...

Green Green Grass (Among Other Things) of Home

"I always say home is where you hang your hat."
"Um, no," said Twoflower, always anxious to enlighten. "Where you hang your hat is a hatstand. A home is--"
-- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

And this is just a notice that in two days I'll be disappearing for a while (not that I haven't, judging by the interval between my recent posts) for a trip back home. =) Back here mid-October, when you'll hear from me if I have anything worth publicizing. ^^

Bad Works at Werkz

2010-09-09T21:19:00.024+08:00

This is going to be one spiteful post, my apologies. (If I know something is bad and I still do it, what does that make me? --Not caring, for once.) I experienced so much annoyance with these people that I'm actually writing this with the intention of leaving an online trace for anyone who may be googling for a review of Werkz Photography. (I'm even avoiding to hyperlink that to their site for fear of inadvertently helping them advertise; that's how spiteful this will be.)

I have sent separate feedbacks to somewhat-relevant parties, but there of course I limited myself to somewhat-relevant points, while here I wouldn't hold back so much... so I'm making sub-titles in hope that anyone finding this tl;dr can just skim through! ^_^0

* Background

It started July this year, around my Commencement ceremony in NUS. Werkz was the official photographer for the event, so it was the one providing the stage photography service (during the ceremony). I was looking for a studio to take a family portrait for this same occasion, and I decided to take up the offer from Werkz, as it conveniently came packaged with the stage photography. I thought this studio should be credible since it was the official photographer, and the staff who talked to me at the stall was a pleasant uncle.

* Photographing: Nice

The photo-taking session itself went pleasantly. The photographer was good at lifting everyone's spirits, and the helper showed a lot of care when helping me adjust the graduation gown, directing us for poses, etc. The photographer did jokingly say something along the line of, "I'm not the one who's going to take your money, though!" and looking back now, that turned out to be quite ominous...

* Purchasing: Money-minded much?

The package I took was for one framed family portrait and one individual portrait, each with 6 preview-sized prints. When I signed up, I asked how many takes we would get, and the answer was, "We will take many; we use digital films so it's not limited. You can choose afterwards."

Well, during the photo-taking we took a variety of arrangements by the photographer's suggestion: other than the whole family posing, we had my-parents-and-I, my-sisters-and-I, and so on. But it turned out that the 6 previews we could get were all of the same arrangement (the preview sets were fixed); we had to purchase the other arrangements separately at a minimum print size. (I forgot the detailed numbers and pricing myself, but I found belatedly this forum post relating the similar experience with better details.)

I said to the uncle at the counter, "But these previews are already done. Can't you just give these to us? We don't need extra printing." He insisted that even if we took those small-sized previews, we had to pay the price for that minimum print size.

Now we do understand that business people certainly can't make money if they easily give things out for free. They didn't exactly breach any term either, as we could indeed choose which photo to enlarge (obviously); it just didn't occur to me to clarify during sign-up whether we could choose the preview sets. At most I could say they weren't flexible about it. But it was the way he put it across that really got on our nerves: "[Just taking these?] Nobody does business that way!"

* Upgrading: Snide is worse than Snape

Anyway, we decided not to make the extra purchase, and settled with one family photo to be enlarged and canvassed, though we did upgrade the size. The uncle then offered to do the same for the individual photo for 30 dollars, which I turned down because I didn't plan to display my own face so prominently in our house, heh. Admittedly it was also largely influenced by my already deflated opinion of them.

The uncle nevertheless kept applying the pressure, saying that it would be a good investment because photos last longer when canvassed, especially since we wouldn't have the digital softcopy. At length, tired of his persuasion, I told him we could get it reproduced on our own if we ever wanted it (though I omitted the detail on how my sister used to work in a photo studio back home and still had friends there) and he outright laughed at me.

I could chalk that up to merely my hurt ego, what with his remarks implying how a "Doctor" was so stingy and misguided, but I seriously questioned his maturity (being disrespectful here given he was a generation older than me, but really!) when he deliberately said to his passing colleague in front of me: "She said she could do it herself! Hah!" I guess in certain cases annoying someone might get the person to do what you want them to do, but in this particular one, the more I'm annoyed the less I'm inclined to let him earn money.

(If my assumption is true that they were also the ones (with official photographer badge) taking photos in the post-ceremony mingling session outside the UCC Hall, then I have also encountered another photographer of theirs who came out of the blue and took our photos all cheerfully, and when we didn't want to buy them (we'd taken photos with our own cameras after all), said aloud, "So stingy!")

* Collection: Unapologetic mistakes

(This is still fresh in my mind, so there'll even be [paraphrased] dialogue! xD)

Then two months passed, and as promised, last weekend I received a notification that the processed photos were ready for collection, so I made my way there.

They produced the family portrait promptly, but the individual photo was missing. While a staff was searching in the back room, another staff, this time an auntie, showed me the receipts and said that I needed to pay 30 dollars more because the abovementioned uncle had made a mistake in the calculation, blaming it on the erroneous calculator. 0_0

In our upset mood the last time we had only made sure the component figures were correct but had not verified the summing itself (upgradedPackagePrice - stagePhotoDiscount - voucherDiscount - deposit) and now I saw that the sum was indeed mistaken. After re-clarifying that they had counted all the promised discounts, I paid her the balance -- reluctantly, to be honest, but at least that was fair.

And then the auntie mentioned (her speaking tone was probably naturally casual), "Oh, if that is a photo-only, without frame, then the amount is correct, because there should be a price reduction." Well, at least she was honest enough to tell me that even as an afterthought! The 'photo only' was clearly written there, and now I realized it was actually that individual upgrading part I rejected (I didn't know the upgradedPackagePrice had included that even after I said no), and I told her so.

"Then it's also a mistake, he should have put down here 'minus 30 dollars' and it'll add up," she said. So what, I thought, that is still your side making the mistake, but she continued, "We'll see when it's found, if it's indeed without frame, then I'll return the balance to you."

"But even if it's with frame, I didn't ask for that!"

"Then we'll just take it out, lor."

...-_-0

Well, I got the money back, but as for the photo, someone had apparently thought it should be framed yet hadn't, and thus had sent it back to the lab for framing. "But they did sent you the notice to come and collect?" she clarified, somewhat apologetic, or so I hoped. "Could you come back another day?"

I didn't feel like making the effort to fix the mistake they made, so I asked her to send the missing photo to me via post.

"But it cannot be sent, what, the material--" At this point she seemed to notice how I was ready to lecture her on the secure postal services available to the general public, and instead of finishing that sentence she quickly sent someone to try recovering the photo from the lab while I waited.

In the end, she told me they couldn't get it because "the lab was busy", but they would send the photo to me, though she still couldn't say when I could expect it because "we need to find it at the lab first".

* Feedback: Prompt response

I had thought of writing a blog entry to this effect after the photographing session, but I had only worked out the motivation after that second experience. Thinking that a direct feedback would be better than a whiny blog, I first wrote an email to Werkz. To quote the main bits:

"...I want to re-confirm that your studio will resolve the issue and send the pending photos to me, as soon as possible. I plan to bring the photos with me when I travel to my hometown in a few weeks, and I hope you will understand that my family has been looking forward to this.

If I may also offer a feedback, the studio photography session was pleasant and the photography staff were very friendly and helpful. But afterwards, during choosing/payment, and now during collection, I'm afraid the service attitude was disappointing, even if we tolerate the honest mistakes. This makes me worried if the studio will handle the pending issue well, and so I feel the need to write this email."

Against my grim expectations (considering that the ones reading the email might be the same problematic staff), the studio's reply was fairly prompt, via email and followed up with a phone call within 2 days, which almost made me feel that I'd been too harsh. Probably the same auntie (judging from that casual tone) talked to me, saying that they would send a courier to my office the following day, or latest on Monday, and she asked me to call back if I had not gotten it. That actually made me glad and thinking that the feedback had worked after all.

* (Failed) Redemption: Irresponsible claims

Today (the promised day), I hadn't thought much of it while at work, until she called me some minutes after 3pm and asked if I had gotten the photo. I told her I hadn't.

"But we have sent someone out this morning, you know? He said he would get there by 4pm."

"Did he actually report back that he had left it here? Because maybe he got to the reception [of my office] and not me directly."

"Yeah, so could you maybe check with them if they have received it?"

I okay-ed, a little worried that some mishap had occurred, and then went to check with our receptionist, who told me firmly that she would have called me if there had been any package for me.

I called the studio back, but before I could ask if she was sure the courier had come, she went back to her previous statement of "if he has not reached by today, then you will get it Monday". Whatever had possessed her to call me up then? If she had misunderstood anything I'd never know because she didn't utter a single word of apology.

...And that was the point where I decided that a whiny blog post was needed after all, because they have even messed up in the process of redeeming themselves in my opinion, not that I think they intend to nor care about it at all. They probably have enough customers, and so this evil part of me wants to ruin that just a little bit...

* Conclusion (?): Problematic attitude

I have also sent a feedback to NUS through the Alumni office, mainly relating the attitude I found unprofessional in contrast to the trust one might unsuspectingly place on the studio given its official photographer status, but I frankly don't expect much could be done on that front -- it might be a stable decision with a lot of considerations that will take stronger and more voices to change than just mine. But to quote what I said there in conclusion:

"To be fair, from what I have seen, they deliver good quality products, and the glitches might just be isolated incidents, but their service attitude has made it an overall unpleasant experience for me."

Of course this is a very subjective experience; your mileage may vary; there are certainly people who have no clashes and no reason to be upset with them, and so on. Every time I complain about someone's service attitude I do have to pause and think how much of it is (equally problematic) customer's higher-than-thou ego -- rather than the "customer is king" concept I much prefer the "civilized human give-and-take" concept.

So again, sorry for spouting all this negative energy; but at least I've gotten some weight off my chest (and into the cyberspace) now.

Unless they somehow find another way to annoy me come Monday.

側にある天壌

2010-08-30T22:49:00.007+08:00

彼女は
私に似てるから
大切な人だ。
(the earth,
the gravity that keeps me grounded)
「これは悪くない」と
「このままでいい」と
人世は大丈夫。
私たちは大丈夫。

彼女は
私と異なるから
大切な人だ。
(the horizon,
the momentum that keeps me growing)
「そんな事もある」と
「そのままでいい」と
人世は不思議。
私たちは不思議。

Gray City

2010-08-23T21:46:00.008+08:00

When it rains it rains so slowly,
In the city where I'm from.
-- Turin Brakes, "Rain City"

Dusk comes easily enough,
no red nor yellow to chase off the horizon.
Muted colours like white noise implode,
overflowed with drops immaterialized.

In my mind, the words he sang:
"It's raining on Sunday morning..."

King of melancholy, child of gloom!
Where can I find salvation for us both?

Evenings like this I get unquiet,
when beneath the black is not clear distant sky.
Never relied on the moon for light,
but space feels bitter when stars too hide.

In my mind, the song he wrote:
"Sparkling gems are flooding the streets..."

Lyra, Sagitta, Cygnus, Aquila!
When may I delight upon your radiance?

Cold it might be when the waters fall,
chilling all the more when they linger.

My heart still ponders the soulful refrain:
"It's raining on--"

Language is a Virus (from Outer Space)

2010-08-17T18:48:00.001+08:00

Listening ears are temptation indeed
to talk,
checked only by the amount of trust
placed on the owner.

Communication is needed
and food for feelings,
but in idle chatter devils keep watch,
and mood is fickle
that feeds argument seeds.

Oh, would that I'd chosen what was golden
and always knew when to choose it,

because
diction and tone and lingual flavors
make for a complex interpretation control;

because
human speech as it stands
has no reversible editing functions;

because
even in the harmless case
I take 'mundane' to a whole new level--

--for instance,
the urge to share at this very moment,
how the thematic word 'babble'
led me to the connoted-punitive 'Babel'--

so perhaps
only if you're a lit enthusiast, kindred spirit,
I'd suggest to click on these further reading links.

Uranoleon

2010-07-28T20:04:00.006+08:00

Through clouds rich the strips of orange sun flares,
as yesterday it has been a full sphere burning cumulus black,
through day passing that has seen it golden upon bluest blue,
to the pale and the fierce of depths across shades of vermilion.

Sky, adored sky,
like life,
beautiful because you're looking like that,
fascinating because you're never the same.

advocatus diaboli

2010-07-19T01:00:00.004+08:00

There are no perfect men in this world,
only perfect intentions.
-- Pen Densham

He, the voice within who asks for perfection,
is he a friend or a foe?
He who frowns at the world's defects,
-- pained by them, rages at them --
he who demands a wholesome self,
is he for better or for worse?

She, the voice within who asks for perfection,
is she a friend or a foe?
She who judges poor-mannered folks,
-- pained by them, looks down on them --
she who detests indulgence in flaws,
is she for better or for worse?

Sounds Surround

2010-06-26T14:34:00.011+08:00

I am all warm and fuzzy after watching this romance movie called "Oto-na-ri":

The main premise revolves around two neighbours ["otonari"] who become familiar with each other only through the sounds ["oto"] they hear through the thin separating wall of their apartments. As such, most of the movie steers attention to sounds -- daily activities, nature stirring -- sounds that we rarely notice consciously, yet (as a character puts it) "you'll feel something is missing if they are not there" (this reminds me of what DIsk said about rendering natural scene effects). I'm usually more of a visual person, so this is a bit of an "ear opener"... It's beautiful.

Most of the characters are sincere and likable-- the only exception feels rather unnecessary and smells like plot device... but I can tolerate that. =D I like how the movie also stirs thoughts about taking responsibility of one's life (or another's) and what might be thought of as "fate". The psychological twists are a delight, while the event twists might have felt randomly convenient had I found it in a lighter content, but they work fine for me here as the other aspects are well connected.

It also helps that I happen to appreciate the sweetness of most of the gestures portrayed, but I think it's really quite recommendable as a drama. Please watch [listen to] it. *bows*

Broken People Get Recycled

2010-06-21T22:03:00.008+08:00

Katie Melua! I love her already for the mellow tunes, but haven't expected her to come up with something this grand. ♥♥♥

The Flood
Katie Melua

Broken people get recycled
And I hope that I will sometimes be thrown off the pathways.
What I thought was my way home
Wasn't the place I know.

I'm not afraid of changing,
I'm certain nothing's certain.
What we own becomes our prison.
My possessions will be gone,
Back to where they came from.

Blame... no one is to blame.
As natural as the rain that falls,
Here comes The Flood again.

See the rock that you hold onto;
Is it gonna save you
When the earth begins to crumble?
Why'd you feel you have to hold on?
Imagine if you let go.

Blame... no one is to blame.
As natural as the rain that falls,
Here comes The Flood again.

Flush away the weight that pulls you down.
Light the ways that freed from the dusk.

Don't trust your eyes,
It's easy to believe them.
Know in your heart
That you can leave your prison.

Don't trust your mind,
It's not always listening.
Turn on the lights
And feel the ancient rhythm.

Blame... no one is to blame.
As natural as the rain that falls,
Here comes The Flood again.

>> Katie on song inspirations

The Good Doctor

2010-06-16T20:42:00.002+08:00

I'm very impressed with my dentist today, so I feel the need to blog and help advertise his clinic, even though it doesn't seem to lack patients. =D

It's a dental clinic near where I stay at Ghim Moh, called Royce Dental Surgery. I've been having my regular cleaning/scaling there. They have two dentists; I didn't make my pick but the one who's been seeing me so far is Dr Ng. (Aside from him, a dental apprentice [forgot the term, sorry] only for cleaning.)

Today I went there with a GP referral because of the pain in my left jaw. I got it one fine morning after having fallen asleep in an awkward position ^^0 so I expected it to be some kind of sprain that should get well on its own (with a little help of medicated oil), but a week passed and the pain is still there, though only when the jaw joint is exercised, such as when I open my mouth wide ('dislocating' the jaw) or when I chew on something hard.

To cut the long story short, Dr Ng did some tests, concluded that it was inflammation, which might be curable with home remedy. He assured me against the GP's rather gloomy prediction (no harm done since she just mentioned possibilities and referred me to a dentist straight away), as he didn't think it was one of the worse possibilities, so there was no need for major treatment for now. He suggested I try applying ice compress on my own for a week. If this doesn't cure it, then only I need to return.

The impressive thing is, maybe as he thought he didn't do anything major for me, he didn't charge me any fee. ^^ We talked for quite some time, he was generous with explanations and I was quite satisfied with the conclusion, so I wouldn't have minded to pay the consultation fee. I guess that's one of the good things about independent clinics, as they can be flexible. (The GP I first consulted is from a major medical service company, and I did pay the consultation fee, without thinking it unjustified.)

I still need to see if the recommendation does solve the problem, but right now I am happy enough having consulted him. ^__^

Finality

2010-06-13T23:02:00.006+08:00

Fullmetal Alchemist the manga has ended! That's one month of excited waiting since I found out it would be ending. ^^ (I feel little need for me to re-summarize the series =P so please just click on the hyperlinked title for the description.)

The series started (9 years ago) with good humor, interesting scientific angle and cool action scenes, then it grew darker as the serious plot unfolded, at which point I stopped following it closely. ^^0 I picked up again when the climax drew near, and got firmly hooked until the end. The whole thing is really quite well developed, I think, and with a reasonably happy ending -- not "everything is all right" perfect but one that does see to the deserved fruition of the characters' effort.

The [remade] anime has 3 more episodes to go, and I'm still quite looking forward to watching the rapid-fire climax/ending in animation. (That reminds me that I may have forgotten to advertise the ending of Cross Game, the manga as well as its pretty good anime adaptation, although I have felt totally adequate with the manga alone, given Adachi-sensei's delightful story-telling.)

Here's a selected opening sequence to further entice you:

In the past week, I also managed to watch Ao no Honoo (The Blue Flame), a movie I've read some good reviews about. The lead actor is the younger self of one of the main actors in the critically acclaimed Letters from Iwo Jima.

I think the film is good in several aspects, but boy is it depressing. =X I should have anticipated it since the suitably haunting The Post War Dream was playing in prelude to the first scene, but I thought things would be resolved somehow. Instead, the ending left a feeling of despair that made me think of the word "finality" for this entry.

Trailer for those of you who may be in the mood for something angsty and sobering...

On real life news, Commencement is drawing near. In my mind, my student days have been practically over for some time, but there have been "echoes" of it when the School contacted me for something or other... All these will probably be laid to rest once I get through the Commencement. Not that I want to cut off these ties -- I do gladly stay in contact with my supervisors and ex-labmates (and if needed, my juniors), but when those links have to do with my results from back then, it sometimes feels like hanging on to "past glory" (not that it's particularly glorious either!) while I have been trying to pick up speed on my current career. A chapter closed, I guess? =)

This final point doesn't have much to do with "finality" except maybe the winter theme and the fact that I discovered it through Last.fm recommendation, hoh. I just like this song and the vocals that sing it. =D

The Land of Shadow

2010-06-08T13:13:00.001+08:00

So all's to be rain clouds today,
gray upon gray upon gray?
Won't you let me see again
cliffs red, ocean yellow,
desert crowned silver halo,
that enchanting trophosperic land?

Surya Tenggelam

2010-05-06T18:34:00.003+08:00

Relived this gorgeous song by Guruh Soekarno Putra while populating my playlist today.

Idle browsing on this song turned out its "happy" counterpart, which is news to me:

The Kid Brothers's version is oldies-sounding and is an oldies all right (1980 album, if I gather correctly), but I am surprised to find that Chrisye's version actually first appeared in his 1978 album. I thought I first saw it on TV in the 1990s (also the period that would justify the more modern arrangement), but I can't remember if there was any event/movie/... that might have re-popularized this song at that time.

This discovery certainly crushed my half-formed hypothesis about the "generation gap" of music tastes. xD

to Mother

2010-05-03T21:05:00.005+08:00

Beautiful song, beautiful person.

Because you wanted to be loved,
no matter the pain, you showed your laughter.
Sadness would be endurable, if only I were alone.
Kindness is so cruel, isn't it? It confuses even your heart.

I want to always stay together,
but things I don't like about you seem to increase by day.
We're like-minded, aren't we? I feel that I can understand.

Happiness doesn't exactly shine like magic,
but even so, isn't hatred just a slight misunderstanding?
So please don't cry.

Sadness can feel warm when we snuggle together.
Kindness will spoil you when you get close.

Hey...
I'm happy, probably because

I had you with me.

The above is quoted and adapted from the full lyrics and translation here.

Hero

2010-04-26T19:56:00.004+08:00

The song is cheerful, the kid is cute, and the dad is a familiar cameo from the entertainment news I sometimes watch. =D The theme is not new but I'm happy that this one ~~has a happy ending~~ progresses to a happy direction.

As you pass through the entrance of the nearest station,
Daddy, who's a little braver than usual,
on your shoulders are the cheering voices of those you love.

The Elements of Companionship

2010-04-23T23:27:00.005+08:00

I want to believe there is nothing sacred about love. That it is as commonplace as the smile you exchange with the nameless someone who works on the same floor. That it is as down to earth as the passion you pour into your art. That you can have much of it to give to many.

I want to believe there is nothing complicated about love. That it is as easygoing as extending your arm to a frail woman alighting from the bus. That it is as natural as greeting your elders at the dining table. That it can come and go leaving your heart as capable of it as before.

And then there is trust.

The Flip Side

2010-04-14T22:59:00.007+08:00

During the last forum meeting our big boss showed us an inspirational video which is interesting in terms of both message and delivery. The speaker is a fun guy, so when I found the link to that video I also clicked on his other presentation.

I'm sharing this one here because the message is something close to my heart, which also ties in nicely with the daily literary quote on my iGoogle today, as currently posted under the "Something XX" section at the right panel of this blog. (I update this section whenever I feel like it, so this line may become irrelevant any time at a future timestamp, sorry. =P)

The message delivery also involves the culture of my fascination, but that's a minor point. Really.

Pianoforte

2010-04-08T22:02:00.002+08:00

Being contradictory is fine at this point of time;
being contradictory is perfectly understandable.
I feel like telling the world with words I cannot find;
I feel like keeping precious secrets of bits so trivial.

Ah-h-h, the lightheadedness from minding every little detail,
the delirium from grasping what has not felt this real for a while,
how I am relieved at how much I am bothered:
are why it is simply sensible to utterly embrace this sentimental nonsense.

許

2010-04-04T22:10:00.008+08:00

想いに気付くから
ためらった
心に知ってるから
迷わない。

今の私なら
艶物を現実的に書くことできる
君となら
明日の確実はいらない。

Desiderata

2010-03-29T20:22:00.010+08:00

I was in a poetic mood today, and was googling for the original of a translated poem I recalled from a Sidney Sheldon novel when I came across this "advice" poem (reminiscent of Kipling's "If"), and was quite touched by it.

Haven't I always, always come back to this crossing every now and then...

---

Desiderata
Max Ehrmann, 1952

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

心上的人兒

2010-03-22T19:48:00.006+08:00

Oldies.. but believe me this is already the more (most?) contemporary rendition among them all. xD The version I first heard and liked is probably this exact one or similar.

It's a personal example of mental association that contradicts the actual meaning of the words, as I have, inexplicably, always thought of the phrase "心上的人兒" (lit. the person in my heart) in a plural sense, and associated this supposed-romantic-love-song with my family.

Probably it's how their faces in my memory are always smiling; how they are the ones I can count on to give me the sun in the dark of night; how I automatically think, whenever reminded of them, "do not be sad; I wish for your smile to stay that way forever" --- as I suddenly do right now.

Reminiscing is a Sign of Aging, and I'm Dragging You Down with Me

2010-03-19T21:54:00.015+08:00

(...with a truckload of links!)

We had an all-Indonesian lunch today. At one point we started talking about the science syllabus in Indonesia (getting more advanced nowadays than what we experienced in our high school days) and proceeded to reminisce about the early days we came into contact with computers (the 90s).

Oooh, nostalgic. =DDD

To think that back then we were happily using those flimsy 5.25-inch IBM floppy disks whose capacity I couldn't recall because file sizes weren't big enough to be a concern at that time. Nowadays we can hardly find a new PC with a 3.5in floppy drive, let alone those "A drive and B drive"...

Then there was Digger, the popular PC game of that time. (Even thinking about it now I can relive the panic at being chased around by those mice. (Oh yes I suck at action games even now.))

There was BASIC, our first programming language; mIRC, our first chatting experience (
*pops* asl pls
*types* m
*disappears*
). Before Winword and Excel there were WordStar and Lotus 123...

(Incidentally today too I just found this HCI comic about Lotus Notes from the same company.)

But even with these vivid recollections, our lives had (naturally) been so much more detached from computers that they are now, so we went on to appreciate Bobo, the hugely successful children magazine of our childhood. Probably because the memory was shaped during our most absorbent age, we could still recite the names of most recurring characters in that magazine. I have a very good impression about it in terms of being educational both intellectually and morally. I just had this similar reminiscence with my childhood hometown friend, and she said she would probably subscribe to it for her son after he'd grown a bit more. I hope it still maintains the same quality.

Randomly I was also reminded of Sanggar Cerita, the Indonesian version of audio stories that came in cassette tapes. I only owned one that was "Cinderella" by young Ira Maya Sopha (singing "Hari ini, hari ini, Ira ingin ceritera..."). To jog my memory I tried to sing the whole storyline in the shower (they had a summary song and a conclusion song and one at each main event), but I had blanks here and there. xD

There, there, enough reminiscing for now. ^^ I would call them "the good old days" but without undermining "the good nowadays" with all my present indulgences enabled by the technology leap, even if it means I'm constantly on watch for disk consumption while owning a total of nearly 750GB harddisk space...

However

2010-03-11T08:08:00.010+08:00

突然感じて...

HOWEVER

In this place, where gentle wind blows,
right now, the two of us slowly walk on.

Thousands of meetings and partings are born on this star;
but some people walk right past without understanding.
When I was lost in the unreachable dreams of an unfamiliar town,
the one who gave me the courage to run through the darkness
was you.

If a love that pours incessantly can be called 'forever',
no word can ever express what I need to say
to convey the meaning of 'loving'.

I want to make you happy.
I will live on weaving
the future pictured in your heart
that won't be drenched in tears of sadness.

There was that confusion in my heart as love began
in that summer afternoon when I turned my back.
There were, in retrospect,
those sins in the unreliable, shaky days of youth.
Even so, no matter how far we are apart,
I feel you.
If we can return to it this time, let's live together;
indeed, it'd be great to be together, always...

Shouldering loneliness, I stand still among the crowd,
searching for a place to draw closer to my heart.

There have been nights of crying, "We met too late."
The detour the two of us took,
that alone is already a stretch of a lifetime.
To you, whom I've hurt, I'll say this right now:
that I love you more than anyone.

If a love that pours incessantly can be called 'forever',
no word can ever express what I need to say
to convey the meaning of 'tenderness'.

The restlessness of those days in love,
the casual weekends,
that voice lingering from our youth,
the spirited gaze--
I will embrace everything that paint you
as we slowly walk on...

...in this place,
where gentle wind blows.

---

Summer Wars

2010-03-09T22:40:00.014+08:00

Watched Summer Wars with DIsk over the weekend. It's nice and entertaining, but I guess the technical sophistication is somewhat below our expectation. =P; With a geek as main character and the "virtual world" as central theme, the "wars" feel only slightly above game level to me. I suppose they do need to simplify things to keep it mainstream? All in all it's still pretty exciting to watch. ^^

Some reviews promised a twist, but I didn't really see any unexpected turn that isn't already in the synopsis. Because of such anticipation of my own, when Kazuma (sidekick character) first showed up, I thought he might be a girl (well yeah, we only got to see his back the first time) and that maybe the main guy would fall for 'her' instead. =D; That of course is nothing novel either because many a manga have employed that plot, lol.

The unexpected thing, however, is to find that the ending theme was by Yamashita Tatsurou, whom I knew through KinKi Kids because he wrote their debut song (he sounded like an influential musician from the way they talked about him).

Probably chosen because of the "summer" in the title ("Our Summer Dream")? =) That compelled me to list out all J-pop (or related) songs with "summer" in the title that I know.. =DD

* Kobukuro, "Summer Rain"
Kobukuro + Cross Game is double awesomeness, even though this one is not my favourite out of all Kobukuro songs nor of all Cross Game soundtracks. =)P

* "Summer Snow" drama theme songs:
- Sissel, "Summer Snow"
- KinKi Kids, "Natsu no Ousama" (King of Summer)
Quite a contrasting pair, but I do like both in their own ways.

* Southern All Stars, "Merry Xmas in Summer"
Very much an oldie. I've always been enchanted by the vocalist's deep voice.

* Tackey & Tsubasa, "Ho! Summer"
I wonder if this group goes for the 'silly' image or if it's an unintended effect, lol.

* YUI, "SUMMER SONG"
To be honest I don't know her music well, but she's got a quiet lovely feel.

(Since those already included the Japanese word for "summer" by chance, let me also slyly take the opportunity to recommend some more.. =3)

* DEEN, "Kimi ga Inai Natsu" (A Summer without You)
A 'regular' in my playlist when I'm feeling selective. I think DEEN-san sounds slightly less nasal in the PV than live. xP

* Mr.Children, "Kimi ga Ita Natsu" (The Summer When You Were Here)
Used to confuse this quite often with DEEN's.. =D;

* Inoue Yousui, "Natsu no Owari no Harmony" (Harmony at the End of Summer)
I like the 'unusual' feel of this song.

* KinKi Kids, "Natsu Moyou" (Summer Pattern)
And this, I like the folksy (Okinawa) sound.

* Yuzu, "Natsu Matsuri" (Summer Festival)
Cheerful-sounding guys. I'm easily baited by the harmony-style duet and harmonica accompaniment. ^^

* ZARD, "Natsu wo Matsu SAIL no You ni" (Like a Sail Waiting for Summer)
Not my favourite ZARD song, but it's nostalgic to hear her voice, and the video is nice. From one of the Detective Conan movies.

* Suga Shikao, "Manatsu no Yoru no Yume" (A Midsummer Night's Dream)
From Death Note the movie, suitably haunting.

* Southern All Stars, "Manatsu no Kajitsu" (A Midsummer Fruit)
The original of the melody used by Jacky Cheung in "Mei Tian Ai Ni Duo Yi Xie".

And lastly, why not the lovely Natsukawa Rimi too.. =33

非常的幸福

2010-02-23T22:22:00.010+08:00

Been following the series 宝莲灯前传 (Lotus Lantern Origins) on CCTV while I was back home, and I'm now a little addicted to its ending theme.

It seems to be a rearrangement of an insert song in the older Lotus Lantern series:

In the distance is a mountain
On the mountain is a tree
Under the tree is a grass hut

In the sky is a cloud
Slowly dispersing into fog
The wind on earth is chasing it

In the distance is a mountain
On the mountain is a tree
A family lives in the hut
Very, very, very happily*

* Given the drama's celestial genre, I was quite tempted to translate this more romantically as "an extraordinary happiness". =D

I never noticed Yvonne Lim until I watched her there. She has such a pleasant look that makes me not mind her character being so childish and crybaby, and sometimes makes me want to smack that Yang Jian for not treating her better. =D;

Curious as I am as to how they would end up, I wonder if I have enough energy to follow through that series now that vacation is over. ^^0 The story is really quite interesting as it covers the (complete?) Chinese mythology including Journey to the West.

...

2010-02-23T08:26:00.000+08:00

Colours 'been holding themselves off the sky;
words, off my fingers.
But ironic how I break the silence
to talk about silence.

Black Butterfly

2010-01-24T23:50:00.009+08:00

                                                                 my heart lifting
      at the sight of you

                                   is the only

                                        sign i need.

                                            when have i

                                                                               come to be
so attached?

Three Worlds

2009-12-28T22:06:00.014+08:00

Saturday turned out very eventful. Even surreal, if only I'd been more of an imaginative person. =P I was out for about twelve hours and spent the whole time (that wasn't transportation) at one place, the National Library Building.

(1)st there was EOY 2009, the only premeditated event of that day. EOY is an annual "Japanese cross-cultural event" with the main focus on cosplay. I was aware of this event only this year because DIsk took part in the artwork section. Took some photos but I'm not sure about the publishing rights so not posting here..

I'm not unfamiliar with cosplay, but it was my first time experiencing it in person, though only as a spectator, of course. =D I hope people were not interpreting my uncontained grins as any ridiculing gesture. I was simply wow-ed that this thing I'd been seeing in fandom was actually happening where I lived.

It's a pity that I'm no longer that much of an anime fan, so I missed about half the references there. Those I did recognize are mostly the older titles that are still ongoing or have current sequels, and from these some I only know on the surface. Well, there were FMA, Naruto, Tenipuri, Bleach,... Ah, one exception, which was also a nostalgic sight I hadn't expected, was a girl dressed up as Suu from CLAMP's Clover, complete with the pretty wings. I used to love that type of fantastic angst, ahaha. Exception because the manga has ended cleanly (, beautifully, tragically) as far as I know; would love to know if there is continuation of any kind as I'll probably still be somewhat drawn to it...

The most impressive costume I saw was that of Lv Bu from The Three Kingdoms, with his fitting large built and spears in both hands. Also, cute Doumo-kun made an appearance!

Other highlights include the cosplay competition, whose participants were actually only a small subset of total people who cosplayed at the event, and anime music performances, which featured some amazing vocalists. The MCs, while giving me the impression as not being otaku-s themselves when they misread the names in the Bleach quiz questions, did exhibit the entertaining bluntness I've been seeing on Japanese TV by honestly admitting, "OK, it's time for lame jokes, as we need to stall time here while the next performer gets ready!" xD (I don't know, maybe it's an universal thing, just that I rarely watch non-Japanese shows nowadays.)

I found it odd that they delayed the single last contestant until after yet another half-hour break. There were exhibitions and merchandise + artwork booths we could patronize during these breaks, but the most important activity was to go around spotting the cosplay characters and taking photos of them (procedure: ask permission, wait for them to pose, snap, say thank you). The crowd grew larger in the afternoon and it became very difficult to move around, so I decided to leave before the end.

That led to the (2)nd experience of the day whereby I got tempted to venture into the lending area of the library. I'm not a member, so I didn't intend to borrow any book, only browse around to see if I could find any Grisham book I hadn't read. (I used to follow John Grisham quite closely throughout the period of my life when I was attending schools with such accommodating libraries, but have missed quite a lot since then.) Well, the only one I hadn't read that wasn't on loan from the branch happened to be "The Testament", so I settled with that.

Long story short, I ended up staying in the reading area finishing the novel in 5 hours. Would have taken longer if the library hadn't had to close at 9pm. xD It's been a while since I finished a full novel in one sitting! I was too lazy to apply for borrowing rights, so 15 minutes before the library closed I started skimming through the remaining pages, practically reading only the first line of each paragraph. Since I couldn't take the book out (or didn't try to find a way to...) I also skipped dinner and forgot about toilet breaks but did wish I had brought a jacket when the room felt colder as night came. =PP

Since I had also been lazy to hunt for food during the cosplay event, I'd brought three slices of pandan bread along, and had taken two out of those for lunch. xD (Taken another two for breakfast before leaving home, as well.) Now, exiting the library, I was eager to get to the bus stop so I could start munching on the last remaining piece, but--

The (3)rd, last, and strangest adventure happened not far from the exit when an elderly man called out to me, "Do you speak English?" I found it a bit strange since he looked Asian -- I mean, I mostly expect Caucasians to ask that question and expect Asians to ask if I speak Chinese... though come to think of it the Asians I've encountered so far haven't been asking that question but rather just shot their questions directly in Mandarin because I look Chinese. =PP

But I digress. The man introduced himself as a spiritual traveler (forgot his exact term) from Tokyo. At this point my cautiousness about "speaking to strangers" (and the hunger) was overcome by the thought of "oh, might be interesting to talk to him". =D; He said he wrote books and was trying to find publishers for them. He told me the content of his books and asked my opinions about his choices for the titles. Since I'm just as fussy about words and titles, I kind of didn't mind discussing that with him.

My cautiousness returned when he asked if I wanted to buy any of his books. But having some interest in literature myself, I thought it was quite a worthy 'cause' even if he turned out to be a swindler, so I took his short story collection and gave him ten dollars. ^^0 He later 'threw in' a printout of his poems on Hiroshima and several pages of haiku.

Just before I wrote this post I did some Google search based on the name printed on his books, and found this page. That was him all right, Asano Hideo-san. The listing on Amazon also confirmed the books he talked to me about.

The page I linked above has the information and links about him, and I've also left a comment summarizing the conversation we had. Well, 'racist' is quite a fitting description, but I do think most humans are 'racist' in their own way to some extent, though to be fair I happened to be outside the groups he spoke against, so I could afford to be neutral about it. =| He was definitely stereotyping and being rather hard-headed about it, too, though I could mostly comprehend the contributing factors to his opinions.

I'm avoiding sensitive issues here xD so just one relatively safe example, maybe. He was disappointed that the locals he met had not even recognized such names as Hemingway (his favourite author) or Nietzsche or Kant. I happen to know these people from the quotations I like to read, but I did tell him I hadn't actually read their books. He was quite pleased, anyway, and apparently he had also met another Indonesian (from Jogjakarta, he said) who was literature-aware, so he wondered what motivated our thinking beyond money/business that seemed to be the 'theme' in this country. =PPP Well yeah, I told him things might be different if he had asked the locals who majored in arts, and no matter where we came from I guess those with no interest in literature will still not recognize those names? xP I suppose it's just because he has a bias for the field he loves.

All in all, a very interesting encounter. Not sure if I'd be comfortable meeting another like him or having another one-hour conversation the next time I bumped into him... but the 'flavour' of his inquisitive thinking is indeed similar to mine. I mean, there are matters that I simply don't care much about, and when some critical people question this and that about those matters I'd be like, "What's the big deal?" =PP But he was close to a kindred spirit, if maybe rather extreme about it.

And that was how my Saturday went. Twelve hours, five slices of bread, three worlds, one venue. xD (Indulge me, it's big enough for my scale LOL.)

The Sun Also Shines at Night

2009-12-25T22:08:00.011+08:00

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! I'm really bad at wishing people these things since I'm not much for celebrations myself. =P Also feeling a little 'delinquent' the past week, I guess, wanting to just take care of my own worries and left with little mental energy to deal with other things.. even though I have time to spare, in the end. Ah, forgive my selfishness, despite this being the season of sharing and all. -_- Well, I still went to gatherings I've committed to and those I chose to commit to and hopefully behaved acceptably sociably? Ahaha.

The above-mentioned worries have also led me to clear my schedules for the long weekends in case I need to take care of them, but I end up free anyway, so I went for a last-minute-planned lunch and second-hand bookstore cruising with DIsk today. The latter itinerary item was again my selfish quest since I've had my eye (and occasional yearning thought) on a book in Bras Basah Complex for two weeks. I didn't buy it when I first spotted it because (1) it was bulky to take to my next agenda, and (2) I needed time to succumb to the temptation and tell myself I could afford to stuff my room with one more collectible item. =)P

There it is, my latest 36x44cm hardcover full-colour baby. ^^ The pic was actually taken at the store that first time when I didn't buy it yet (for reminder mah), hoho. DIsk said it was a geeky purchase, but what seduced me are more the high-resolution, pretty images inside. So much better for drooling and gushing over, while the knowledge aspect could probably be obtained freely and more extensively on the internet, fufufu.

With this event tomorrow, seems I will have a quite eventful Christmas weekend after all. We'll see about the New Year weekend when it comes. There are still issues left to handle but time is really an unbeatable factor right now, and much as I am easily bothered by indeterminately pending plans, I do detach myself quite well... even if I do say so myself, ha. I sense that some are thinking this is 'cold' of me, and I'm still not enlightened enough not to bother about such opinions, but I reevaluate my (saturated) considerations and reaffirm this growing courage for self-expression that seem to come with age, and well... things are okay somehow? xD

In response to Eka's encouragement I said that it wasn't really in my belief to 'pray', but leaving the perspective difference aside, I.. we.. do draw on many sources of strength-- the kindness of people from close friends to gracious strangers, every little thing however silly or earthly that help to lift our spirits, my own faith in life and powers unseen-- a litany of my own definition, maybe?

Litany

2009-12-18T20:27:00.010+08:00

i see the moon, the moon sees me
the moon sees the ones i cannot see
please let the light that shines on me
shine on the ones i love.

be strong.

Be Gentle With Hearts, You Cannot See Them

2009-12-15T01:01:00.001+08:00

Maybe he deserves it,
Maybe she brings it upon herself,

Maybe it's trivial,
Maybe it's exaggerated,

But so long as it is felt,
Pain is pain.

Assume nothing of hearts;
You cannot see them.

Be respectful of hearts;
You cannot tell how weak, how strong.

Be gentle with hearts;
You may not know when they're breaking inside.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, "The Little Prince"
As translated by Katherine Woods

Days of Leisure

2009-12-12T19:19:00.015+08:00

Back from a two-day cruise trip. =) Star Cruises to Malacca/KL, with sis and bro-in-law. As what would usually be called a 'getaway', but I went more for the experience rather than the need for escape, since I think I enjoy my routine life all right, ahaha.

So, obligatory trip photos and accompanying rambling...

Well, first of all, our cabin door, though this photo was taken just before checking out. =D I like the green color of it (hence the photo; not for any 4D adventures), but it's not coming out right in this photo because of the lighting right above it. =|

Didn't spend much waking hours in there of course, but since the TV had a Japanese channel, NHK, I tuned in for a while to see if I see anyone I know. =)P

We tried to catch the sunrise on the first day, but the clouds were so thick we didn't really see much. Still, I think the clumpy pinkish clouds were 'cute', and the sky-horizon-sea view was one of the best highlights of the trip to me.

We missed the timing on the second day, but at least still not too late to see this beautiful view:

So delighted was I, that I asked to be photographed with it (the only one with my face you're going to see on this page lol)...

...and proceeded to take the pictures of the sun rays falling on various objects...

That last one also showed the jacuzzi, which we specifically planned for using. =D Sounds a bit kampung (sepok) huh. LOL.

Water slide, and yes, I did get on it. =D; Was of course "don't want, scary, can't swim" on the first day when my bro-in-law braced the long queue for it twice, but the next day he managed to convince all of us that it was definitely safe. Well, since we were already in our swim wear after the jacuzzi, after ascertaining the harmlessness of the water trap at the end of the ride, we finally went.

Luckily we listened to him, because it was wonderful to be sliding through the view of open sky at those parts. =D; Well, this morning I found out there was also a water slide beside the Jurong West Sport and Recreation Centre, which should be more accessible than the cruise. =)

More things by the pool side. These made me think of R2-D2 so they got a camera share. =D

Also thought that looked scientific, even if the reflection on the glass cover was a bit distracting. You could see my camera-holding hands reflected on it too, ahaha.

If you've seen my excessive photographing of the sky before, hopefully this won't seem too random. I thought the wave patterns were pretty...

...and pretty thought-provoking, too. Seeing the white bubbles race forward and then disappear, it was like a reminder of: 'Life is transient, so how far can you go before it ends?'

The land of destination was Malaysia, where we only spent 3 hours. Shopping, of course. >:D No pictures from the mall since we were pretty much in a rush, lol.

So, how different was Malaysian sky? Maybe not much difference, but it felt 'gentler' to me somehow. As in, the blue is of a lighter shade, so less contrast with the clouds' white.

Nearing dusk, adorned with the sudden gush of birds...

The best highlight of the trip was unfortunately something I couldn't take a picture of. At night, out at sea, the sky was a darker dark, and the stars seemed so near. Felt like I was face to face with Orion (which gave me the urge to sing that Nakashima Mika song to it everytime, lol), and I wished I had studied more of the constellation map to recognize those around it. Three-quarters of that dream fulfilled now...? (Yeah, I'm easy.)

At one time I was standing at the darker side of the ship, facing the part of the sky that had no visible stars. Before that I had thought it would be nice to have an undisturbed view of the sky, but at that time it actually felt a little scary to be looking at the pitch black without any 'grounding' object at the corner of my eyes.

Anyway... since my camera couldn't capture those, I took photos of the night lights and their gorgeous reflection on water instead...

On our last night onboard, they held a 'farewell party' with chocolate buffet (if only we had more stomach space after all the buffet dining throughout the day!) and a cool band performance. They captured my attention with an impressive Christmas medley a cappela, and performed some swing-y songs I didn't recognize but happily swayed along to anyway.

Remember the R2-D2 from before? Those turned out to be light projectors for this stage. =D

This photo was taken from a weird angle as I was actually starting to leave already, thinking it was getting late. But halfway to the cabin they stayed my feet with the catchy 'Summer of 69', followed by other rock classics, and even slipped in that famous 'Nobody'. xD

The trail we ~~blaze~~ left as we were nearing Singapore.

And a last picture of the sky, just because. >:D

More photos on the Facebook album here. In the past I'd make a page on my website for easier organization, but I won't have access to it for much longer, so I'm withdrawing little by little. =P

男になりたい

2009-12-09T00:10:00.014+08:00

『夢をかなえるゾウ』ドラマに、「男になる」という課題が出た。（主人公は女性。）
興味深いですけど、自分は「女らしい処も男らしい処も両方も持ってでいい」ような信念だよね。
でも —

他に（女性の）KK 二人のファンから聞いた:「男性なら、剛のソロからを紹介するでいい。」
その「剛のソロ」というの音楽はね、funky でなければ、超 emo だ。
ある時そのタイプは本当にダメだよ、私によると。演奏が凄く良いと思うけども。

...ですから、「ちょっと、男になりたいなあ」と思った。
少しだけ知っておきたい —
男性なら、どんな目線に彼を見つめる？どんな感じで？
暗いがよい？
こちと同じ意見、そのような人間が素敵ですか不思議ですか？

これ、変？（笑）

Glorious

2009-12-07T22:37:00.009+08:00

So this is what it feels like;
This is how it feels when you're finally walking on the inside.
This is what it looks like;
This is how it looks from the outside staring in.

"Are you in love lately?" she asked,
which I thought was strange, back then,
but she might have read it right after all, because

the sky throughout November
has been the prettiest I've seen of her,

these dreams I'm now courting
might have been flirting with me all along, unnoticed,

and a long-time adoration I thought was flawed
is turning out capable of stirring in me, emotions
as profound as gratitude.

So who cares if the attraction is superficial,

when I finally get a glimpse of the world inside
and with such clarity,

when I'll take without hesitation, a choice inferior, yet
unfailingly beloved;

this freedom it has dared me to take
if maybe too shallow to call happiness,

is still pretty close to

light.

Fuyu no Seiza Orion

2009-12-03T23:06:00.008+08:00

Thanks to the long downpour that cleared the sky, and the big bright full moon that drew my attention up there, half my wish has been fulfilled today. xD The stars were so visible tonight!

[Edit 7 Dec 2009:] Thanks to the timing I exited the building too probably; these days they seem to come out to play around 10pm.

I've always wondered how people can identify constellations when the positions always seem so vague to me. =P After a bit of digging I think the one I saw is Orion, judging from the three in the lineup plus the trapezoid corners:

Picture courtesy of christiancyberspace

Even with just a small piece like this, among the intrusions of the now-too-bright, now-too-dense street lightings of this city, it felt pretty amazing. =) Not as interesting as the ever-changing view of the sky when it is rich with colors, but there is a different kind of amazement in the vast darkness, the way the stars go in and out of sight as our vision adjusts to different regions of that darkness.

(I still want to go to a well-built planetarium someday for an even more profound emotion, weird as it may sound after this non-artificial experience. =D)

Now while my adrenalin is settling down, here are some constellation-themed songs! ^__^

Nakashima Mika, "ORION" [Ryuusei no Kizuna OST]

Otsuka Ai, "Planetarium" [Hana Yori Dango OST]

Onitsuka Chihiro, "Ryuuseigun" (Meteoric Swarm) [Trick II OST]

And lastly, an old-time favourite of mine:

OMD, "Walking on the Milky Way"

Lyrics Roll

2009-12-02T20:18:00.007+08:00

So I dumped a few (newly acquired / long neglected) folders on Windows Media Player, and sorted the songs by track numbers, then a few interesting lines got caught on my hearing as they drifted on---

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me? It's not the first time, it's not the worst crime; your soul will be okay. Live high, live mighty, live righteously, taking it easy. If you don't know, then you can't care.

And that's why I don't drink and drive, because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth and have to kiss my smile goodbye. You walk around here, thinking you're not pretty. And I take everything from you, but you'll take anything, won't you?

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can't place her. You'd think me rude but I would just stand and... stare. See, love will never ever be lost on me.

All right, sit down and spill your heart. Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel, or just the train? ...And don't mind my nerve, you could call it fiction.

Spectrum

2009-11-29T10:07:00.013+08:00

Something Resh said in yesterday's talk that really stayed with me: (paraphrased)

No teaching can lay a monopoly on Truth. The path is individual. When you use the knowledge on your own experience, scars and pain, the path becomes your own.

A somewhat relevant thought that has been in my mind lately runs in a different direction...

There are a lot of personality categorizations: extrovert/introvert, optimists/pessimists/realists, and so on. People usually do not fit exactly into one end. What's more, the in-between states manifest in not only many degrees but also many flavours.

There are the outgoing people who lead conversations and keep the group spirit high; there are the reserved people who listen silently and speak only when necessary; and then there are the geeks, who generally keep to their thoughts but come alive on specific topics. =)P

(Side note: I am very much hooked on The Big Bang Theory recently and am recommending it to any friend with the slightest geek inclination or even without.)

I was thinking that it probably resembled the colour palette produced by varying the RGB component balance-- just much, much more complex, considering the number of distinct trait-controlling genes in our DNA sequence... add to it the accumulation of different experiences, environments... I think it is closer to irregular by then.

There is also the sunrise/sunset test: people who prefer sunrise are said to be optimists while people who prefer sunset are said to be pessimists. I don't really stand by this theory if I think of the nocturnal people who begin their day on sunsets... And visually speaking, I think both are equally beautiful, and that probably makes me neither an optimist nor a pessimist, but a romantic. xD

Speaking of romantics, we also come in many flavours... Reflecting on a conversation on meteor showers the other day, I think that much as I'd love looking at starry skies, I don't get as excited as when I look at a sky full of colours or clouds. (I see that everyday and I still think it is breathtaking every time!) Though, now I suddenly yearn to go inside a planetarium to experience the 'wow' feeling before I can make that claim confidently... Science Centre, anyone? =D

Edit: After deeper probing, it seems that the SSC's Omni-Theatre/Planetarium is for IMAX movies (nothing star-related on the current list), while their portable planetarium system is by rental arrangements, and the Observatory stargazing is via telescopes. Hmmmm.

He gets his temper from his daddy.
He's got my eyes.
All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.
-- Mary Cooper, "The Big Bang Theory: The Luminous Fish Effect"

Burning Bridges

2009-11-23T22:46:00.017+08:00

I have finally done a decent reading on the controversial events surrounding Ajahn Brahm that actually started two months ago. Late, I know! It took me many many articles to gather the main points and fill in the background knowledge, and still I hesitate to think I have sufficient understanding of all the issues involved.

For curious readers, I recommend this blog entry (first portion of it) for the gist of it with minimum jargons. What I'm going to write here will be more on my own mental reaction while reading rather than a discussion of the viewpoints. Let me warn early that I'm likely to be subjective and irresponsibly liberal and throwing pretentious poetic language in the following; you may not want to read on in your less tolerant moods...

Seeing as I do 'identify' with one 'side' of the controversy, I've been wary of having biases in forming my understanding of the matter. On top of that, I am usually a prick about how things are worded. An open letter from a direct participant put his points across in a way that made me think: "I cannot sense good intentions nor loving kindness in this" (as what I would expect given the writer's designation) and at that moment I thought I was surely going to be biased for that. (Or would that realization neutralize my opinion instead? Sway it the other way instead?)

Many comments raised many good points, both ways. I guess the heart of the matter can be as simple or as complex as anyone want to make it. As in many controversial issues I have pondered in the past (abortion, prostitution, homosexual marriage, ...) there is a clear-cut, indisputably positive value that humans are trying to achieve. In this case, it is gender equality, which I think hardly any reasonable society would deny nowadays.

However, that value almost always has many flavors. Contexts. Side effects, real or abstract, when different concerns are weighed. The 'statement made to the world' implied in performing an action. In endorsing it. Even in simply openly supporting it. Whether the implementation is proper or is damaging to the cause; whether that matters at all. Sacrifices, necessary evils, skillful means...

I am always of the opinion that if something makes someone happy without harming anyone else, let them have it. What constitutes 'harm', though? What constitutes 'happy'? Is it selfish to pursue a wish that not everyone is happy to see? Won't it be just as selfish to prohibit it?

I am also of the opinion that there is no need for 'statements', for labels, for clear sides. We can act based on what we believe in without flaunting it, without forcing others to accept it. Isn't that contradictory, now? =D Yet, as I have recently realized from what an openly bisexual celebrity said, there is a meaning to making that sort of statement, especially when one is not alone in that belief, when less fortunate others are hurt from being judged for the same belief.

The more I know
The less I understand
All the things I thought I knew
I'm learning again

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness
Forgiveness...

I suppose I am also making some sort of stand (even several) by writing this, vague as it is? As much as I want to think that people I interact with on personal or professional grounds shouldn't be affected by differing opinions on such specific matters as this (as with religion, race, political belief, ...) -- and that when the relationships are affected, then it would be in our best interests to keep a distance anyway -- I am still a coward who is wary about being judged.

Earlier on when I was contemplating signing the online petition, frankly, I had many doubts. Of all the points made, is there any pitfall? Are there potential unpleasant consequences? Will it be traced to my affiliations; will it reflect badly on them; will it reflect badly on me to them -- am I thinking too highly of myself there? xD Is a petition a wise step to take; will it make a difference?

In the end, just as I write this simply because I feel like writing (hence, pardon the lack of conclusions), I decide that I can take actions (or inaction) for my own biases and reasons, which do not even have to align with those of others on the same 'side'; and that making a stand is most importantly for my own learning and realization, of the values my life is based on, of the direction I am growing towards, of what I strive to be.

How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned,
or the way that she died?

How about... love?

(And quoting these lyrics out of their original context if maybe to make yet another point.)

Which Side Are You On?

2009-11-17T23:17:00.010+08:00

The sky this morning.

(sorely tempted to make corny references to 'the Dark Side of the Force')

The proportion of clouds compared to 'sky' also reminds me of this quote:

"How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean."
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Woman

2009-11-16T23:09:00.028+08:00

Update entry accumulating the several past weeks. =) 'Woman' happens to be a common thread running through the rambling that follows.

-- be an evil woman --

So... I finished watching Yume wo Kanaeru Zou ('Dream-fulfilling Elephant') some weeks ago. It's a comedy about the elephant god Ganesha (ah, ITB mascot!) who appeared to people wishing to change themselves, and taught them how to do so by giving 'tasks'. Some of these tasks felt like the points in a self-improvement book, but there were also some that were pretty thought-provoking. The prelude special starred Oguri Shun as a salaryman who wanted to be successful, while the proper 13-episode series starred Mizukawa Asami (i.e. how I found this drama =3) as a woman who dreamed of a happy (married) life. There were plenty of parodies including one of Death Note I still feel like laughing at, cheesy as it might be. xD

Of all the tasks I particularly remember a rather peculiar one: "Be an evil woman". It certainly puzzled the main character, as she was on a mission to charm men. The task meant for her to say and do what she wanted instead of suppress her true opinions for the sake of being perceived polite or nice. The application in the drama was of course exaggerated for comedic effect, but I think it was a pretty good advice actually, for people with sheepish personality like mine, and also in the context of the Japanese society where one is always careful not to be rude or to inconvenience others. It means acting as oneself instead of merely reacting to the surroundings. It is, contrary to what it may seem, an appeal.

My watch-list then moved on to Majo Saiban ('The Witch Trial') -- that is, the real 'evil woman'. =) Well, deciding whether or not this woman is evil is a major point in this court drama, revolving around the lay judge system that was apparently newly put into effect in the country this year. (Anyone recall John Grisham's The Runaway Jury?) The case is of a woman -- an awe-inspiring one in many ways! -- accused of murdering her lover in order to inherit his wealth. As one of the characters said in the drama, though, "the verdict has nothing to do with the truth", because the judges were manipulated via threats as well as vague evidences. The string of twists was mostly quite intense (though I wished they hadn't played on the 'psycho villain' thing too much), and even the ending was... should I say... riling. =P In Indonesian term, 'geregetan', lol.

-- woman's day out --

As for life off-screen, I had a fulfilling me-outing last Saturday. Ehm, nothing particularly womanly in the activities (in fact, most were rather unwomanly-geeky if we were to stereotype) but... yeah... I'm a woman, and let's focus on the singularity of that noun instead of the gender implication? ^__^

It started with The Blue Mansion movie, which I've been wanting to watch. Eka only wants to know who kills the guy. xD As it turns out, this dark comedy focuses more on the family dynamics rather than the murder mystery. I think it is pretty well done and enjoyable. Being a local movie, it didn't lack the hilarious Hokkian moments, too. =D The only thing I have against it is the paranormal angle in the resolution, but I am quite content to apply my own interpretation to it.

Afterwards, I couldn't find my fave Korean hotplate tofu set in Plaza Sing kopitiam -- did I remember wrongly? -- so I ended up having a Yoshinoya lunch. Somehow I still feel a little insecure eating alone in malls =D; (while canteens are of course okay) but I liked the meal so it wasn't difficult to ignore the other customers who weren't watching anyway, lol.

My errands for the day were to get my watch battery changed [*check*] and to get a gift [*check*]. Speaking of which, I owe the good ideas for the two most recent gifts I've bought to the just-in-time suggestions from Yesie and Eka, respectively. Casual mentions of such things have good results! Thanks, gals.

Quite a number of stores were having 'moving out sales' in Plaza Sing, that I wonder if something is happening.. I took one round each in Fila and Hang Ten but didn't get anything from there. The more tempting one was Sembawang's half-price deal for all their CDs. The store corridors were not wide to begin with, and at that moment they were filled with stacks of CDs as well as (probably many times the amount of their usual) customers, but still I spent an hour or so scouring the title lineup, and honestly, felt kind of a bonding with the people there as we kept excusing ourselves while carefully maneuvering our bodies around each other. xD That and our love for music and our opportunistic kiasu-ness? Ahahaha.

I of course hovered back and forth the Asian pop section mostly, and was considering to get one of the albums by one of my favourite artists just for collection, but in the end decided there wasn't really a point to it. =P Not a very good fan, huh. But I figured I'd save my money to buy more worthy collectibles that they would still be producing. =3

-- girl-talk --

Moving on... yesterday, had a mini picnic at Vivocity with the choir bunch initiated by Rebecca, after the rehearsal. Two guys and four girls, and we still managed to have some women-talk. =3 Well, men-talk too, as Julia, as always, had a lot of gender observation stuff to share, on top of her very unique recent experience. I think I've always been too attracted to gender-defying views to not be skeptical about such categorizations, but as a generalization those are interesting and useful knowledge. And oh, August also linked us to this very funny 'lecture' on men's vs women's brains:

-- lady in red ...or blue? --

Last update... got a new pair of spectacles today because I (accidentally, of course) added one more crack to it a few days ago, and this time it was not quite negligible. =P While choosing the frame I was attracted to a flexible kind with modern-ish design, but it had to go with impact-resistance lens which were costly. For my second choice I hesitated between a red-black one (striking!) and a navy blue one (more 'general-purpose'). Red or blue -- warm or cool -- right or left -- 51 or 244? xD (Ahem, ignore the last one, just my random fandom bit.) In the end, my pragmatic side won, so...

-- masculine-feminine --

To close off! (Woooo, longest post in a while...) Just got this hilarious Rose of Versailles parodying commercial from DIsk (a 'childhood shattering' discovery, to borrow his term, so RoV purists please consider that a warning) and since it involves the all-female musical group Takarazuka, I thought it'd be appropriate. (Come to think of it, the story itself is already a gender-bender, and now that both 'men' are acted by women, it gets even more twisted!) Enjoy!

Let Death See You Smiling

2009-11-01T18:57:00.005+08:00

I've been more selective with movies lately, and I'm happy to say that most of what I've watched I would gladly recommend to others. =) Today, it is My Sister's Keeper. It is sort of a 'dark horse' to me; I've seen the poster but haven't been attracted enough to check it out before Eka asked if I'd want to watch. The promise of non-straightforward moral issues in the synopsis got me interested, and while the movie did deliver those, they were not the strongest impression I got by the end of the movie, because the story had much more. Well, we cried a whole lot. xD The runny nose I got was quite reminiscent of Okuribito..

After Wiki I found out there were differences from the original book. I kinda like both versions in this case. The movie's soundtracks are very nice too...

Life is beautiful
We love until we die

Let the monsters see you smile,
Let them see you smiling.

Do I hold you too tightly?
When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful
but it's complicated.

We don't need to understand
There are miracles, miracles

I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in.

Stand where you are
We let all these moments pass us by.

This is ours just for a moment
There's a lot that we can give.

Also invested 21.90 dollars in a foldable umbrella from Umbrella Label today. Quite ex surely, but I've been fed up with under-five umbrellas whose frame snapped broken within the first few times I used them and were close to useless in the strong wind. Hopefully this one will be durable, I'll let you know after a few months maybe. It is baby-blue and has cute giraffes on it... what I would call an 'Eka-approved' feel, lol. Speaking of which, my taste in umbrella colours can run from humble dark green to elegant maroon to striking purple, depending on my mood at time of purchase. Hm..

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

2009-10-30T22:10:00.006+08:00

What does it take
to live by one's own values,
when they do not coincide with popular opinion?

Constant self-assurance,
or else
just-as-stubborn mindset,
or else
smooth manners to conceal them well.

What does it take
when those very values
contradict the existence of these traits?

Just the answer to one question maybe:
"What am I living for?"

Acoustic Lovelies 2007

2009-10-18T22:32:00.010+08:00

Did some catching up with artists who have enchanted me in the past, and they didn't disappoint indeed.

Three talented ladies, all of whom happened to release their latest albums in 2007. Live versions, because they shine like that.

Katie Melua, "If You Were A Sailboat"
Album: Pictures
Hunt down her other songs for: flowy, relaxing melodies like this one

Interesting bits from Wikipedia:

Melua said of the song: "...a lot of love songs tend to deal with the fluffy nice side of love, but this one deals with how you get very selfish when you fall in love with someone, and you don't want to share them with the world, you just want them all about yourself. ... Musically it sounds like a really nice smooth love song, but the message is pretty intense and quite dark."

Mark Radcliffe of BBC Radio 2 was amused by the lyric 'If you were a piece of wood, I'd nail you to the floor', and asked his listeners to send in equally strange lyrics and compose a parody song for her to sing, not expecting her to actually do so. However Melua sportingly contacted the show and agreed to play the song. The lyrics included 'If you were some tiling, I would grout you.' and 'If you were ten pints of beer, I would drink you down my dear'.

Missy Higgins, "Where I Stood"
Album: On A Clear Night
Hunt down her other songs for: emotive, brooding ballads like this one

KT Tunstall, "Saving My Face"
Album: Drastic Fantastic
Hunt down her other songs for: impressive live performances

Tatami Potato

2009-10-12T20:48:00.006+08:00

Orthros no Inu has put me in the mood for detective dramas, so I finally got down to watching Ryuusei no Kizuna, which had actually been sitting on my harddisk since it was out months ago, even before Orthros. (The consecutive Nishikido-sidekick choices are purely coincidental.)

Given the somber theme, I was pleasantly surprised to see wonderful crack-ish sense of humor reminiscent of Kisarazu Cat's Eye -- and later found out that they indeed shared the same scriptwriter. While KCE's hilarity was more in the event twists (delivered in a rewind/fast-forward, fill-in-the-blank technique much like a roller-coaster ride yet with smooth and comprehensible transitions), Ryuusei's was in the way it delivered the story-within-story down to the mock title sequence and cast intro and the consistent Post-It tagline (watch it to know the significance). I was slow in catching the parodic reference to lead actor Ninomiya's "Letters from Iwojima", and had since been curious if the others were also references to things I wasn't aware of...

I find it impressive how this series managed to be hilarious and touching and thrilling, and achieved all three magnificently. The child actors also did a good job of making me cry along with them. I'm not sure if some would find the solution predictable (I did suspect a twist but aimed it at the wrong person =P) but to me the emotional tension was strong enough to keep me on the plot track they laid out.

Speaking of lead actress Toda Erika, Liar Game will apparently continue its storyline in Season 2 winter this year, and conclude in a final movie next spring. Looking forward. \(^^)/

Next in the watching queue... probably Majo Saiban (having stalked the lead actor on-and-off from Hanakimi backwards to Akihabara@Deep and forward to Maou), before I make the descent to the seemingly dark, dark Zeni Geba... after which I have the seemingly true-crack Love Shuffle ready for detox, lol. But depending if my mystery appetite continues, they may make way for Odoru Daisousasen, an Oda Yuuji classic which I just heard of recently and is still in procurement process.

(I've had more than a year to get/watch the above dramas, so don't let the long list mislead you about the extent of my obsession... yet.)

(--After all, I haven't told you about other shows I stalk, na? ~_^)

#1

2009-10-04T18:23:00.005+08:00

always am weak for your tears
no matter how trivial they seem
and these
made me realize
to you, nothing is ever trivial
when it comes to us.

do i love you well? can i love you well?
-- ASKA, "Hajimari wa Itsumo Ame"

Stalking Cinema 2009

2009-09-23T19:26:00.008+08:00

Went to watch The Proposal yesterday. All for Sandra Bullock, lol. It's entertaining. Not fantastic, but that was expected. Watched it alone, and I realized I've been too used to watching things on my computer, because I commented to myself and physically reacted to the movie as though I were in my own room. ^^;;;

Saw the trailer of The Blue Mansion, which has Adrian Pang and Swee Lin + Kay Siu, among others. Immediately had my eyes set on it! =D The narration in the trailer (see website) has that humorous-thriller Desperate Housewives feel (um, based on what I remember of that series, having watched, like, one or two episodes ^^0) and I think the plot development would be interesting.

...Then, that reminded me of another trailer that really impressed me a while back:

十月围城 (Bodyguards and Assassins)

I went through a few versions to find the exact one I meant (as above) =D; because at that time the powerfulness of the sequence really captured me -- particularly around 0:58 onwards. But teasers aside, I'm not quite into the genre so I'm not planning to watch it, but maybe we'll see. Big-name cast, big budget and all, and I have a soft spot for Donnie Yen, though that hasn't stopped me from missing many of his movies, ahaha...

Also saw the trailer for 余命1ヶ月の花嫁 (Yomei Ikkagetsu no Hanayome / April Bride) starring Eikura Nana and Eita. The original title literally translates to "Bride with a Month to Live" so the story is obvious enough. Ah well... I like both leads, but there have been many tear-jerker movies from this country, and this movie doesn't seem to have anything new. But I am still quite touched by the very first dialogue (see website for trailer):
Taro: What do you do from day to day?
Chie: (ponders awhile) Live.
So somewhere at the corner of my mind there is a tiny bit of expectation that it may have something different. Hm. =)

So far those are the ones that caught my eye from the theaters... As for TV series, I have made the mistake of starting on Orthros no Inu while it is still on-going, so now I'm quite impatient waiting for the next episode sub to be out. xP It is intriguing and has good moral points in my opinion, though I guess stalking-wise I should go for Mizukawa Asami's variety shows more than her dramas because while she is an okay actress, she is really so much more interesting in real life. ❤ Experience it here if hopefully you can be bothered to, and maybe I can drag you down this fandom hole. =)P

君へ私へ明日へ

2009-09-18T22:33:00.011+08:00

苦しみもあったけど
記憶は全て優しい楽しい
やはり
最後までも
本当にありがとう。

Theory of Happiness

2009-09-02T22:21:00.016+08:00

When I didn't pause to think, when I just went with the flow,
I fell hard when things swerved off course.
When I started reasoning, when I started justifying,
I was full of spite trying to defend my pride.
When I analyzed situations, when I sought solutions,
I guess I simply didn't love enough to forgive.

When I stop asking life to play nice,
when I stop holding you responsible for my feelings...
I finally remember that happiness never does have a philosophy.

---

Shiina Ringo, "Koufukuron (Theory of Happiness)"
-- Adapted from the translation by Emily Horner

When I searched for true happiness,
I started to think I wanted to love and be loved in return;
and then I caught on to your strength, and the weakness you try to hide.
I burn with energy at how you laugh and cry honestly
at the flow of time and the color of the sky,
as if you don't wish for anything more.

True happiness cannot always be seen;
it was right by my side, and I didn't even notice.
But when I realized that what my numb fingers needed was your familiar hand,
I decided I wouldn't mind trying a little
to protect your melody,
and all your words and philosophy.

Because I love you just the way you are, laughing and crying honestly
at the flow of time and the color of the sky
as if you don't wish for anything more--
I'll do what it takes to protect your melody,
and all your words and philosophy.
Just the fact that you're alive here, that's happiness.

What's So Great About Sunshine?

2009-08-27T19:21:00.008+08:00

Everytime it rains
I listen to the sky
And wonder what's so great about sunshine

When it was getting dark
I didn't need a match
I never needed light to see you

So love me 'cause you can
And not because you should

Everytime it rains
I know it's good to be alive...

Take out the needy parts (Honestly. I wish I could feel that deep), and it feels like this song says all I want to say right now. I guess this means she wrote from the heart.

puntung

2009-08-25T08:52:00.004+08:00

di lembar langit awan tertumpah
warna cahaya
di papar hati tuan mendarah
sengat aroma

hilang pandang terjelang petang
tak ayal esok berulang
luntur rasa terluruh masa
tak pelak ingat tersisa

...be, nineteen years from now...

2009-08-23T16:07:00.007+08:00

Early celebration of Angie's birthday yesterday. Much fun and sore throat had been had... and I think the 'plot-holed' attempt at making it a surprise just made it all the more memorable. =D It was nice to see Mal again too.

Maybe it is to be expected when it's someone like Angie, but I am still quite amazed to find 'lessons' to bring home from a birthday party. Was really touched when she talked about the founding days of Buddhist Fellowship 21 years ago, including the wavering period 11 years after, and how all of us wouldn't have been gathered there were it not for the few graduate students who themselves had never thought their simple target of "one project a year" would see a future as what BF is today.

Soracco itself has gone through many regenerations that it may not be as 'nostalgic' as say, a persisting friendship of the same people, but to many of us it is still something we are glad to be part of, something we watch grow with a heartwarming fondness... and I suppose its 'survival' is really thanks to the music foundation that Mal laid down and Aug carries on, Angie's lift and push, Ai Ling's loyal lead throughout.

Also, a good reminder of the Buddha's words from Dr Ang Beng Choo, relating people's contradicting opinions about Angie that she overheard:

"There will always be differing perspectives about anything. When the sun shines from the east, the tree casts a shadow to the west. When the sun shines from the west, the tree casts a shadow to the east. There is no need to worry about the shadow. Just make sure your tree grows strong and upright."

As Angie said, "If even someone like me can grow, there must be hope for all of you too." So... will keep working on it! ^^

士别三日

2009-08-18T00:29:00.010+08:00

三日不见面，不作旧时看。

Would I rather you be consistent,
Would I rather the warmth of familiarity,
Would I rather know you always?

Would you rather I have surprises,
Would you rather the excitement of change,
Would you rather find me grown?

1994-2004

2009-08-11T23:11:00.009+08:00

Rewind fifteen years--
and more,
Fast forward ten--
play on

I have not walked with you
all through the winding road,
but seen enough to know
the reason for those tears,

yours,

theirs,

shouting out loud
the weight of the fight,
the worth of the pride,
and
the kind of charm
that comes only with age.

When Houses Fly

2009-08-10T17:40:00.004+08:00

Just went to watch UP with Eka. The movie went way beyond our expectation. Indeed Walt Disney + Pixar rarely disappoints?

Just the superb storytelling is enough to make me recommend this. Everything clicks together with no wasted reference. In the first 15 minutes it has managed to tell the whole background and got us emotionally invested in the characters.

I think this deserves a lot of merit especially after my recent experience with Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. =P Well, it's surely a different level of complexity looking at the thickness of the later books in the series, but then it at least needs more hours to it... which I guess can be afforded considering how big the hype and the fandom are...? =PP

But back to UP. The usual bonus of Pixar's no-dialogue short story is insightfully creative as usual. (Someone has to be in charge of the unpleasant stuff after all...) Did I once think that the animation world was falling into cliches? I suppose this has just rekindled my faith in its unbounded future.

07.08.09

2009-08-07T18:05:00.002+08:00

Found this amusing article while doing some planning for the long weekend:
7 Weird Facts about the Singapore National Day

It does mention 'history' and 'rumor' at certain points so be sure to check the facts with your ~~friendly neighbour~~ well-informed Singaporean friend before applying them to any significant current affair yea. ;)

Crossing Rubicon

2009-08-07T08:56:00.005+08:00

little by indulgent little,
tease by harmless tease;
she's cradling a spark of flame, but somehow
i feel immersed in water.

both feet in, body on shore,
this stream unconsuming unlike that fire;
but one taste of the salt on her mouth
and i'll never unknow how it's like to drown.

back to the days of Christopher Robin...

2009-08-03T22:07:00.013+08:00

エレベーターで鏡に自分を見る時

ビルを出て夜空に小望月を見る時

『 Return to Pooh Corner 』の歌詞
♩ back to the days of Christopher Robin... ♩ が耳にする時

私達が何故生きてるの? と思った。

なんとなくちょっと暗いね (笑)

いや、問い掛けらないかなあ～

答えを一生追求し続けるはずだからね。

Umaku Tsutaerarenai ze..

2009-08-01T09:11:00.012+08:00

Sweet song, moving orchestral effect, and -- considering how the series/characters actually are -- amusing in a way? =D Though it's only now that I get the urge to find the originating clip. Never knew Ranma OVA had this sentimental scene.

Ranma to Akane no BALLAD (The Ballad of Ranma and Akane)

Because we can't say the words yet,
Quietly, I touch your hand

The video subtitles took quite a liberty, but I guess it still helps for casual viewing. For further purposes I'd recommend the higher quality video together with the lyrics & translation instead... and, if you're inclined, do check out the partly-touching-partly-hilarious superimposed 'dialogue' at the end of the audio version.

Propositional Logic

2009-07-28T20:18:00.009+08:00

Found this draft on my computer; I seem to have written it about a year ago but somehow have no recollection of it. ^^0 Anyway, just for amusement.

---

Propositional Logic

'I love you' is somehow very difficult to say.

"If I were to propose to you right now, what would you do?"

Disapproving look. "Don't joke about such things."

'I love you' is somehow very difficult to say. He tries to go with 'I like you' instead.

"If I were to kiss you right now, what would you do?"

"Hmmm? I'd kiss you back."

"...Are you serious?"

"About as serious as you were."

'I like you' is somehow very difficult to say.

"If I were to ask you out right now, what would you do?"

"...Are you drunk?"

"I'm not! Can't you tell?"

"All right... so... what happened?"

Exasperated sigh. "...Nothing. Forget it."

"Hey, if anything, you can always talk to me, okay?"

"If I were to say I love you right now, what would you do?"

Long stare.

Nervous glance.

Thoughtful frown.

Seems like it will be scenario number three...

Soft smile. "Why don't you try it and see?"

---

Duality

2009-07-26T23:51:00.004+08:00

When someone does things the exact way we do, we may
- adore them for the kindred spirit that they are, or
- dislike them for the blunt reminder of our own ugliness.

When someone does things the opposite way we do, we may
- repulse them due to the hopeless incompatibility, or
- admire them for realizing our hidden desires.

When we find ourselves deeply sympathizing with someone, it may be because
- they are sharing the feelings we know well, or
- they are living the wild side that we deny.

女心と秋の空

2009-07-23T22:52:00.013+08:00

彼と手を繋ぐは夏 (与他牵手在夏天)
静かなささやかな感情 (安静简单的感情)
暑い日情熱成らなかった (暑阳燃不起热爱)
ご免なさいそしてありがとう (抱歉以及多感谢)
彼と手を離すは秋 (与他分手在秋天)

君に恋い初める時空冬 (与你相戀冬季开始)
長きに渡る共に来てくれる (由来已久的同行者)
なんか温々歩き続ける (就这样温和走下去)
失礼ですがしかし大丈夫なら (只不过即使不介意)
誰かもういる夢に少し見る春 (心空春光有另一位)

I'm pretty sure the grammar is awful up there, will hopefully come back to fix once I've learned the forms properly. =P;

季節

2009-07-22T22:50:00.006+08:00

もう一つ見つけた
四月が美しい理由

桜、

あなた。

An Eloquent Astrophysicist

2009-07-15T09:10:00.001+08:00

The second law of thermodynamics holds, I think, the supreme position among the laws of nature.

If someone points out to you that your pet theory of the Universe is in disagreement with Maxwell's equations -- then so much the worse for Maxwell's equations.

If it is found to be contradicted by observation -- well, those experimentalists do bungle things up sometimes.

But if your theory is found to be against the second law of thermodynamics I can give you no hope; there is nothing to do but to collapse in deepest humiliation.

-- Arthur S. Eddington, in "The Nature of the Physical World" (1928)

Free to be Flawed

2009-07-13T22:52:00.003+08:00

I certainly can't do everything well,
and it's not an excuse not to learn,
but you know, sometimes...
when I feel you too could have been kinder,
I just don't feel like taking the blame.

Hi Lo

2009-07-12T11:15:00.000+08:00

Thesis defense was 10 July 2009 10 a.m. Seminar Room 10 (COM1-02-10).

Will join Commencement in July 2010.

One and zero, how appropriate, lol.

A memorial post, so forgetful me can amuse myself next year.

(If I remember to check back, that is.)

Wall

2009-07-09T21:53:00.001+08:00

How to need without being needy?
How to love without the flying and falling?

Mada mada da ne...

Winter Much?

2009-07-06T20:07:00.002+08:00

Insider

2009-07-06T17:26:00.003+08:00

Because I programmed it, I know the bugs left unresolved.

Because I wrote it, I know the vague points left hanging.

Because I built it, I see all the stitches in disguise.

Because I am me, I see all the flaws in denial...

With a dissatisfaction such as this

With an inferiority such as this

Could it be alright, for the time being

To be a better person -- just on a whimsical basis?

Trying Too Hard

2009-07-05T02:13:00.006+08:00

This time I chose a lighthearted article to translate -- there is still a message in it, but he told it in an almost tongue-in-cheek style.

Whole chapter.

---

"Inside of me, time had started to move slowly.

"The two dramas 'Kimi to Ita Mirai no Tame ni' and 'to Heart ~Koishite Shinitai' were filmed almost back to back, thus my days had gone on without any spare time. Now, I finally got a break.

"First off, Doumoto Tsuyoshi [1] went to the beauty salon. I had my hair cut, and turned monkey-like. Ukikikik [2]. My feel [3] changed, as did my hairstyle.

"After that, I headed to a certain outdoor cafe to have a light meal.

"I ordered two pizzas. The waitress looked a bit surprised (at that), but I couldn't help it. My stomach had deflated considerably...

"Carbonated juice to go with the pizza... was what I wanted, but that wouldn't do for today. Today's Tsuyoshi was different from usual. He had an adult feel. Stretching myself a little [4], I ordered an ice cafe au lait. I drank it while enjoying the twilight sun and wind.

"It was so blissful.

""What a nice feeling," (I thought.)

"While I was soaking in the comfort of my own world, there, there, the pizza had arrived. Stomach preparation, OK. Let's down it in one breath! ...was what I wanted, but that wouldn't do. Today's Tsuyoshi was supposed to be a different Tsuyoshi. I put the pizza into my mouth elegantly, stuffed my cheek elegantly. Flawless, even if I did say so myself.

"Then, at that moment, an incident occurred.

"I had ordered a healthy pizza with a salad of lettuce, purple cabbage and other fresh vegetables on top. A strong wind came suddenly, and the cabbage went flying. Ah, the troublesome cabbage was dancing in the air. This was a considerable miss in the plan. The plan was to finish off the pizza in a beautiful and elegant manner, but thanks to the strong wind, it had crumbled and smashed to pieces. Today I was supposed to be all adult-like -- a so-called contest with manhood [5] at stake -- but I had been defeated by the unexpected special guest that was the wind.

"It was extremely regretful.

"In boxing terms, that would be like "one-round KO defeat".

"Picking up the scattered cabbage, Loser Tsuyoshi ate up the pizza, munching and scrunching just as usual.

""(For) humans, forcing things [6] just doesn't work," (I thought.)

"While I was grumbling so, the clouds floating in the sky reflected into my eyes."

---

Notes:

[1] Referring to himself by name, also in other points of the article.

[2] Imitating the sound made by monkeys.

[3] 「気分」 : mood, feel (aura).

[4] Likely in the figurative sense, i.e. 'making extra effort to do it'.

[5] As opposed to 'boyhood'.

[6] 「無理」 : unreasonable, overdoing, forcing.

---

Taken from 「男を賭けた勝負」 ("Contest with Manhood at Stake"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi

.lang

2009-06-29T18:58:00.008+08:00

This frustration when resources fail,

This fatigue over ink on paper, dot on screen, bed-hour calling but "two paragraphs left to the end of the chapter",

This occasional doubt of "never gonna get half as good with this as I could hope to be with English",

This faint, faint confidence that in the exact same way, I just might,

This endearing despair of "It's tough enough without this guy inventing his own words!",

This blithe knowledge that soon as I get there, I would so do the same,

This back-breaking haul, rare in these days of comfort,

This road, assuring in its lack of end-in-sight,

This tower to climb,

This promise of pain,

This thrill of hit-and-miss,

I'm loving it. ❤

Anatta

2009-06-21T23:34:00.002+08:00

Who I am
shows in what I do;

still, craving approval,
what I do
is not entirely who I am;

at swings of mood,
who I am
does not always dictate all I do.

When you take my hand
is it who I am that you accept
or is it what I do
that you approve of?

If you'd like to keep these traits
that come from who I am,
don't turn your back on those flaws
that wouldn't be there were I not who I am.

Does it matter anyway
who I really am
when all that the world sees
is only what I do?

And yet, who am I
when it keeps changing,
growing,
for you,
with you,
because of you;

who am I
when I want it to change,
to grow,
for me,
for life,
with or without you?

好きになろう

2009-06-18T22:59:00.016+08:00

Translation exercise again! No guarantee about accuracy, as usual.

Ellipses are him being romantic with details and me being lazy with translating; other than that it is almost the whole short chapter, 'cos I think the whole context is kinda needed to bring the point across in this case.

---

"Just now, there was a special feature about ants on TV. Though I am weak with insects, watching them on TV is OK. As always, I ended up watching the scary thing until the end.

"I found it surprising that the ants, whose bodies are mere millimeters long, can build nests that measure up to several meters. ... When I see the utmost effort of those ants, I am reminded of the significance of living. There is a saying, 'Even one inch of an insect is half an inch of a soul.' [*] -- certainly, that seemingly fleeting world (life) does exist there.

"It also moves me how they fight desperately against their natural enemies. I think that I, too, should fight with such desperation.

"I guess my enemy right now is myself. Without winning against oneself, nothing can begin.

"Often, 'I hate that' or 'I am weak with that'... humans somehow have the tendency to say such things. However, before we say that out, it is important to have the sense of (first) going to approach it. For me too, after coming to Tokyo, there are various matters I have conquered, and there are still some that I haven't. [**] It is all right even if it will take time, I want to grow to like those things.

"Compared to disliking things, developing a liking is more advantageous. Therefore, I want to live on while coming to like a lot of things, while embracing them.

"Say, to the point that it would feel like a companion, like wearing an old pair of jeans."

---

Notes:

[*] 「一寸の虫にも五分の魂。」 The meaning is similar to the English proverb "Even a worm will turn." (Even a very weak person has some amount of strength (when provoked).)

[**] The author is a Nara native who moved to Tokyo for work. (Seeing what variety show idols have to do over in that country, I can guess some of those things he said he 'conquered', poor thing.)

---

Excerpt from 「好きになろう」 ("Growing to Like"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi

Sticks and Stones

2009-06-14T12:36:00.012+08:00

Words, number one evil.
When you don't say enough, you offend with your lack of sociability;
When you say too much, you offend with your lack of tact.

Words, number one pain.
When you don't listen enough, you get blamed for not caring;
When you listen too much, you get tired from second-guessing.

Words, what bothersome thing.
When they don't say enough, they leave you feeling confused;
When they don't listen enough, they leave you feeling lonely.

Words, what elusive thing.
What they mean, they may not say it right;
What they say, they may not mean it right.

---

Been feeling the 'calling' for some time so it should be safe to state this now:

I'm making it my lifetime mission to minimize the instances of miscommunication in my world.

That includes painstaking email editing (couldn't get any worse than now), mediating conversations, being mindful, being mindful, being mindful.

Join me. *waves*

弱い自分に感謝

2009-06-13T09:43:00.017+08:00

The accuracy of this attempted translation is very doubted, but it's as much for my language practice as it is for inspiration. I kinda need the encouragement right now, and it helps that I'm (still) in love with the author. =)

Liberties have been taken with structure/punctuation and phrasing.

---

"The current me ponders a lot about myself. In 1998 it wasn't so; in the past, I kept taking unnecessary matters to heart, lying to myself, being self-destructive as such. The person that I was rarely spoke up my opinions, even when I disagreed with others -- a very much 'leave me alone' personality. As a result, I found that the invisible burden of stress had unconsciously piled up in my heart. Therefore, I want to live with more kindness towards myself.

"I think there are probably countless people who are like me, whose personality left them feeling choked; lately there have been times when I feel that I [can] love this self even if it is like this. That is when this sort of words occur to me: 'It is all right even if I cannot become a strong person. Although I'm weak, it is all right if I can be strong at the important moments' or 'If while trying to become strong, I lose the ability to feel my own pain or other people's pain, I would hate it. If losing a gentle heart is [considered] strength, then it is better to remain weak. I am thankful for this weak self' and so on...

"When I look up at the clear blue sky, or when I am walking along the street at dusk, these words overlap with the scenery, and the love towards myself grows from the bottom of my heart. I recover my pure self. And, the self that speaks these things -- this too, I like very much."

---

Excerpt from 「物語の始まり」 ("The Beginning of the Tale"), 1999
In 「ぼくの靴音」 ("The Sound of My Footsteps")
By Doumoto Tsuyoshi

Gently

2009-06-11T11:32:00.003+08:00

Actions are always forgivable. Intentions may not be.

Regardless

To yourself who have made a mistake
be kind,

and love--
Love that self that is working hard to be a better person.

参考者

2009-06-08T22:23:00.012+08:00

このまま生きてる私は  だめか
このまま行く私達は  大丈夫か

不安な思う
あなたの事

【彼】と付き合っているとするならば
同じで  こんな感じかも?

其れなら
30歳の君までを
ちょっと  待って見るかな。

為

2009-06-07T23:06:00.003+08:00

How I wish--
do not screw up when it matters,
but I suppose, indeed--
it's all the easier to screw up where it matters,
for the very complexity that makes it matter.

Need No Reason

2009-06-04T23:46:00.027+08:00

Cheerful song, nice lyrics. ^_^ I seem to have problem embedding, so just links here. You can choose between the fairly funny PV ('promotion video') or the high-spirited live performance.

TOKIO, "Hana Uta" (PV)

TOKIO, "Hana Uta" (Live on Music Station 2002.03.01)

The Flower Song

Lyrics: TAKESHI
Music: Suzuki Akinori

Ah~ flowers bloom, not for any particular reason
But above me whose shoulders are sagging, they smile proudly
Mindlessly, they bloom in full; though it's nothing remarkable
For the sake of me who's on the verge of tears, the falling petals dance

Reflected in the mirror of this barren era
If that guy with blistered lips were me
Then just a kiss would probably hurt
Those too gentle lips and smile of yours

Ah~ birds fly, not in any hurry
They rip through the tainted blue sky
Before I feel ashamed of my helpless self
I'll spread my wings to the winds of despair; let the falling petals dance

Because of a righteousness called common sense
I can't help you with any single one of your problems
Though I make mistakes, though I know my sins
I won't lose sight of what I really wish for

We exist, with a meaning that can't be snatched away
Even just as it is, from now on, from here on
Then start walking forward; it's alright to lose our way
Right in the middle of an endless road; I believe in tomorrow

Even if you're the quiet type, convey your thoughts to me
Because the cherry blossom trees in full bloom are cheering you on

Ah~ flowers bloom, not for any particular reason
But above me whose shoulders are sagging, they smile proudly
Mindlessly, they bloom in full; though it's nothing remarkable
For the sake of me who's on the verge of tears, the falling petals dance

La~lalalalala...

For the sake of me who's on the verge of tears, the falling petals dance
And now for you, wholeheartedly, I sing

---

Lyrics translation is adapted from Mognet and OhMiya.

Heartholder

2009-05-26T01:00:00.000+08:00

Perhaps, after all, my heart does need those words;
but they wouldn't have touched so much, I believe,
if not for all you've done
to mean them all this while.

2009.05.16

Flowers in the Sky

2009-05-25T21:28:00.000+08:00

The song that stuck with me after the end of the concert... and had come close to making me cry during one of the rehearsals.

Brahma of My Heart
i.gemz

Composer: Goh Sue San
Album: Cradled In Buddha's Arms

Do you remember the nights you lullabied me to sleep
Turning my tears to comfort and to laughter
Do you remember the days being the flowers in the sky
You showed me wisdom and guide me all the way

You have sacrificed for me, leaving heartprints of your love
Brahma of my home, teacher and my savior
You’re the hero of my life, gave me everything and more
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart

I will remember your hopes, I will make your dreams come true
I will turn your fears into courage and compassion
I promise to take care of you, share with you all the love I have
Please do believe me, my love for you shines true

You have sacrificed for me, leaving heartprints of your love
Brahma of my home, teacher and my savior
You’re the hero of my life, gave me everything and more
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart
Brahma of my joys, Brahma of my heart

-----

'Brahma' is a Pali word (lit. 'the great one') that has been used to denote many concepts, including 'parents'.

The Art of Giving

2009-05-19T23:24:00.004+08:00

When I can see the way I hurt you
When I can see the reason you hurt me
When I can feel the struggle by which we forgive
That's when I finally know for sure

-- yes, I can afford to love you.

Forerunner

2009-05-10T10:10:00.009+08:00

This year's Vesak resolution: Be mindful.

While I'm utilizing this tag, event pimping! Our Vesak concert "Family and Friends" on 23--24 May 2009, Jubilee Hall. We'll be performing pop songs and original compositions, with guest performance by Robert Fernando. Tickets are by donation.

Romancing Geekland

2009-05-07T20:44:00.004+08:00

Because I think at least half of you who come here are "one of us! one of us!", of some category, to some extent. 8D

Top Ten Reasons Why You Want to Date a Geek

Left brain thinks it's well said, right brain thinks it's hilarious -- in a good way.